so that guy i went out with spontaneously on sunday (see previous blog) - i'm done with him. right after the date i was ok with giving him another chance and going out with him if he called cause we got along well. but after analyzing the date like all girls do, i wasn't sure if i'd want to go out with him again because i didn't think he was as cute as i thought he'd be and i felt like he would not have too much to..no, it was really because he just wasn't cute enough, i'll admit that. i don't think i'm that superficial, but it is important to be attracted to the person. and sometimes a good personality makes the person more attractive and i just didn't think he had an interesting enough personality to make him more attractive.
well, most of that analysis of the first date was done on monday while i was walking home from work. by the time i got to my street, i decided i'd let him contact me and then i'd decide what i want to do. well, it's now wednesday night and i've already decided i'm not going out with him again. here's why: he has contacted me every day since i went out with him! that is too much.
on monday, when i got into my apartment after work, i had a text message from him, "did you get to work on time?" we joked about how i have a hard time getting to work in the morning and usually sneak in through a back way. so, fine, that was a cute message, but i just got home from work and had stuff to do. i wasn't ready to sit down for a night of text messaging or chatting on the phone. after a couple hours, when i was relaxing watching tv, i wrote back, "haha, i snuck in at my usual time." then he wrote back, "want to come over and watch 24?" yeah, we live 2 minutes away from each other, but he's a stranger as far as i'm concerned. we had only been on one date for a quick dinner - i'm not going to spend time in his apartment at night. so i didn't respond back to that text. then, tuesday i was out with friends for some drinks outside because it was so nice out and i got a text message from him, "what are u up to?" ugh. i wrote back "i'm out with coworkers." he didn't respond. then today, i was walking home from work and i got a text message. oh my god, not again! i looked at my phone - phew, just a text from my mom. so i got home, called my mom, and then worked out. after i worked out, i had a voicemail. guess who it was? yup, he called to see what i was up to.
i'm sorry, but i didn't feel like the chemistry was that great on our date to be in contact every day after it. just because he lives in my neighhborhood and it's easy to meet up doesn't mean i'm going to be more willing to go out with him and bypass the usual dinner and drinks that marks a first, real date. i've completely lost interest. i barely know him and he's checking on me every day. it makes me feel like he doesn't have a life. so i'm not calling him back and hoping i don't randomly run into him again.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
unexpected
about a month ago i was out at a bar. at the end of the night i met a guy who i talked to for about 10 minutes and i gave him my number when he asked for it. i wasn't really that into him, but he was good enough and i had nothing else going on. we found out that we live 2 blocks from each other so he said he would call me the next day and we would go for brunch in the neighborhood. he didn't call.
then 3 weeks later i get a text message from him: "hi, it's *his name* i met you a few weekends ago, how are you?" i barely remembered him, but i wrote back and said, "hi, i'm good, how are you?" no response. then a week later, he calls me and leaves a voicemail. the voicemail was good - he sounded normal and not nervous. he just wanted to see what i was up to and apologized for not getting back to me sooner - he was traveling for work. i was going to call him back, but every day that passed made me think more about whether i should call him or not. we barely talked the night we met - why is he bothering to call me a month later? the night i met him he couldn't really talk because he was at the bar with a girl his friends were setting him up with. did he go out with her for a couple weeks and then when she didn't work out, he thought he'd see if i was still around? i didn't like that it took him so long to call me back. i was just unmotivated to return his call, so i didn't.
today i was out running some errands in the neighborhood. while i waited for my pizza to be ready, i went through my text messages in my phone and deleted some. i remember getting to the guy's text messages and deleting them, thinking he's over - now i don't have to worry about myself drunk texting him. then, i get back to my apartment 10 minutes later and notice that i have a text message from a number i don't recognize - it was from him. his text message said "did i just see you at cvs?" i was flipping out. yes, i was just at cvs. where was he? did i make eye contact with him and not even realize it? yeah, he lives nearby, but what are the chances that we would be at cvs at the same time? i always think serendipitous moments like that mean something. there was a reason why we were at the same place at the same time. so i called him back. he wasn't there so i left a message letting him know that he did see me. a few hours later he called me back. apparently he saw me like 3 times while in cvs and i had no clue. then we were standing next to each other while waiting to cross the street. he said he wasn't sure if it was me and he didn't say anything because he didn't want to make a fool of himself if it wasn't me. so we talked on the phone for a good 20 minutes and it was going well. he was easy to talk to and thought i was funny. i told him i'd go out with him and asked him what his schedule is like this week. he asked me if i wanted to meet for a casual dinner at a diner a couple blocks away tonight. i hesitated, but ultimately said i would go.
do you remember the sex and the city episode where carrie first goes out with berger? for days, she had been planning her "date outfit" for their first date. then she sees berger out on the street. he doesn't notice her and she runs around the corner to avoid him. she isn't prepared to go on a date with him - she isn't dressed for a first date. she had the outfit thought out and she didn't want him to see her for the first time in the casual outfit she was wearing at the moment. but then she decides to call him. they meet up for a movie, he jokes about how he wasn't in his date outfit, and they have a good time.
well, that's the same experience i had tonight. i hesitated in going out with the guy on such short notice because i wasn't prepared for a first date. i didn't shower today - i had my hair in a ponytail, didn't have any eye makeup on and was wearing a t-shirt and sweatshirt. he wanted to meet in 15 minutes to get dinner. that was not nearly enough time to shower and pick out a date outfit. so i warned him that i'm not prepared for a date and was looking really casual. he said he didn't care. so i put on some earrings and some eyeliner and mascara and i was out the door. i usually don't let a guy see me look like that until multiple dates later, but i didn't care. if he was ok with how i looked tonight, then i wouldn't have to worry about what he'd think about me after going out a few times dressed up.
good thing he didn't stop me at cvs when he saw me because i would not have recognized him. i thought he had blonde hair, but he had brown hair. and he wasn't really as cute as i thought he was. when i saw him waiting on the corner, i really wasn't sure if it was him. i walked up to him slowly and looked at him hoping he would see me and give me some sign that he was the guy i was supposed to meet. i would hate to walk up to the wrong person and i would hate to admit that i didn't remember what he looked like. luckily he looked up and acknowledged that he was who i was looking for. it was awkward at first as all first dates are, but we quickly got the conversation going and the awkwardness went away.
neither of us were too hungry, but he had a grilled chicken sandwich and i had a fudgy chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. the conversation was good. i really like it when i could talk naturally with a guy and the conversation flows. i'm an honest, open person and he was too. he explained to me why it took him so long to call me and we talked about the last few people we had dated. i could tell he liked me - he said my random thoughts were funny and cute, he said he would take me out to his share at the beach over the summer (a little ambitious of an invite for a first date), and he was leaning close to me over the table when i was talking. i don't think i was into him as much as he was into me. i wanted to be though. i liked that our conversation was so easy and i felt comfortable with him. but, there were a few things that he said that made me wonder if we had enough in common and i wished that i was more physically attracted to him.
when we left the diner, we had a couple blocks to walk together before i had to cross the street and go off to my apartment. he was walking really close to me. i kind of wanted some space, but it was only two blocks. when we got to the corner, i told him i had to go cross the street. he said we should go out again and i agreed. then came the worst part of a first date - how do we say bye? i hoped that we had the same thing in mind. wave, hug, kiss? what do we do? i just wanted to hug. i wasn't totally into him and it's basically the first time i've met him so no need to rush anything. i think he was thinking differently. when we went to hug, his mouth was facing towards mine. i was not ready for a kiss, so i moved my head a little and he kissed my cheek, which was fine.
it was nice to go on a date and i still think there was a reason why we were in cvs at the same time today. maybe the reason was just that i shouldn't be in my apartment tonight or that i needed chocolate cake. or maybe it's because i'll end up really liking him after a few dates and it will turn into something. i just don't know the reason, so i'll give it another chance and see if anything happens.
then 3 weeks later i get a text message from him: "hi, it's *his name* i met you a few weekends ago, how are you?" i barely remembered him, but i wrote back and said, "hi, i'm good, how are you?" no response. then a week later, he calls me and leaves a voicemail. the voicemail was good - he sounded normal and not nervous. he just wanted to see what i was up to and apologized for not getting back to me sooner - he was traveling for work. i was going to call him back, but every day that passed made me think more about whether i should call him or not. we barely talked the night we met - why is he bothering to call me a month later? the night i met him he couldn't really talk because he was at the bar with a girl his friends were setting him up with. did he go out with her for a couple weeks and then when she didn't work out, he thought he'd see if i was still around? i didn't like that it took him so long to call me back. i was just unmotivated to return his call, so i didn't.
today i was out running some errands in the neighborhood. while i waited for my pizza to be ready, i went through my text messages in my phone and deleted some. i remember getting to the guy's text messages and deleting them, thinking he's over - now i don't have to worry about myself drunk texting him. then, i get back to my apartment 10 minutes later and notice that i have a text message from a number i don't recognize - it was from him. his text message said "did i just see you at cvs?" i was flipping out. yes, i was just at cvs. where was he? did i make eye contact with him and not even realize it? yeah, he lives nearby, but what are the chances that we would be at cvs at the same time? i always think serendipitous moments like that mean something. there was a reason why we were at the same place at the same time. so i called him back. he wasn't there so i left a message letting him know that he did see me. a few hours later he called me back. apparently he saw me like 3 times while in cvs and i had no clue. then we were standing next to each other while waiting to cross the street. he said he wasn't sure if it was me and he didn't say anything because he didn't want to make a fool of himself if it wasn't me. so we talked on the phone for a good 20 minutes and it was going well. he was easy to talk to and thought i was funny. i told him i'd go out with him and asked him what his schedule is like this week. he asked me if i wanted to meet for a casual dinner at a diner a couple blocks away tonight. i hesitated, but ultimately said i would go.
do you remember the sex and the city episode where carrie first goes out with berger? for days, she had been planning her "date outfit" for their first date. then she sees berger out on the street. he doesn't notice her and she runs around the corner to avoid him. she isn't prepared to go on a date with him - she isn't dressed for a first date. she had the outfit thought out and she didn't want him to see her for the first time in the casual outfit she was wearing at the moment. but then she decides to call him. they meet up for a movie, he jokes about how he wasn't in his date outfit, and they have a good time.
well, that's the same experience i had tonight. i hesitated in going out with the guy on such short notice because i wasn't prepared for a first date. i didn't shower today - i had my hair in a ponytail, didn't have any eye makeup on and was wearing a t-shirt and sweatshirt. he wanted to meet in 15 minutes to get dinner. that was not nearly enough time to shower and pick out a date outfit. so i warned him that i'm not prepared for a date and was looking really casual. he said he didn't care. so i put on some earrings and some eyeliner and mascara and i was out the door. i usually don't let a guy see me look like that until multiple dates later, but i didn't care. if he was ok with how i looked tonight, then i wouldn't have to worry about what he'd think about me after going out a few times dressed up.
good thing he didn't stop me at cvs when he saw me because i would not have recognized him. i thought he had blonde hair, but he had brown hair. and he wasn't really as cute as i thought he was. when i saw him waiting on the corner, i really wasn't sure if it was him. i walked up to him slowly and looked at him hoping he would see me and give me some sign that he was the guy i was supposed to meet. i would hate to walk up to the wrong person and i would hate to admit that i didn't remember what he looked like. luckily he looked up and acknowledged that he was who i was looking for. it was awkward at first as all first dates are, but we quickly got the conversation going and the awkwardness went away.
neither of us were too hungry, but he had a grilled chicken sandwich and i had a fudgy chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. the conversation was good. i really like it when i could talk naturally with a guy and the conversation flows. i'm an honest, open person and he was too. he explained to me why it took him so long to call me and we talked about the last few people we had dated. i could tell he liked me - he said my random thoughts were funny and cute, he said he would take me out to his share at the beach over the summer (a little ambitious of an invite for a first date), and he was leaning close to me over the table when i was talking. i don't think i was into him as much as he was into me. i wanted to be though. i liked that our conversation was so easy and i felt comfortable with him. but, there were a few things that he said that made me wonder if we had enough in common and i wished that i was more physically attracted to him.
when we left the diner, we had a couple blocks to walk together before i had to cross the street and go off to my apartment. he was walking really close to me. i kind of wanted some space, but it was only two blocks. when we got to the corner, i told him i had to go cross the street. he said we should go out again and i agreed. then came the worst part of a first date - how do we say bye? i hoped that we had the same thing in mind. wave, hug, kiss? what do we do? i just wanted to hug. i wasn't totally into him and it's basically the first time i've met him so no need to rush anything. i think he was thinking differently. when we went to hug, his mouth was facing towards mine. i was not ready for a kiss, so i moved my head a little and he kissed my cheek, which was fine.
it was nice to go on a date and i still think there was a reason why we were in cvs at the same time today. maybe the reason was just that i shouldn't be in my apartment tonight or that i needed chocolate cake. or maybe it's because i'll end up really liking him after a few dates and it will turn into something. i just don't know the reason, so i'll give it another chance and see if anything happens.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
something is always going on
something was going on. about a half hour ago i was sitting on my couch watching tv. i heard a plane fly overheard. then i heard another. and another. planes don't fly that often or sound that loud over my apartment, so that made me think they weren't planes going to jfk or laguardia - they were helicopters. i couldn't help but notice them fly overhead for 20 minutes. i looked out of my window 3 times while the helicopters were flying above trying to get a glimpse of them to help me grasp what was going on out there. i don't like hearing a lot of helicopters or police cars go by. i live in new york city. i can't help but wonder what is going on. and honestly, when i heard all of the helicopters tonight, the first thing that came to my mind was a terrorist attack. but why would they attack at 10:30 on a random, rainy night? then i thought, maybe there is a high profile person flying into the city. but why would someone be flying in by my apartment at 10:30 at night? then i heard sirens from a line of police cars. maybe there was a big accident somewhere near by - it's raining and the roads are probably slippery. i flipped through the tv channels - cbs, fox news, cw news, ny1. no special reports. what is going on out there? i wondered. i was kind of nervous, but glad i felt safe in my apartment. i hoped the noise would stop so i could sleep calmly and wasn't kept awake wondering.
then, just as the sound of the helicopters faded away, i saw a clip on one of the local news channels. it was the explanation for all the noise outside my windows: john edwards is in new york. he arrived today shortly after his wife announced that she has cancer. 40 minutes ago, he left an event on 54th and park ave. - a mile away from my apartment. phew, so all the commotion was just john edwards leaving a building and getting into his car. now i can sleep soundly.
then, just as the sound of the helicopters faded away, i saw a clip on one of the local news channels. it was the explanation for all the noise outside my windows: john edwards is in new york. he arrived today shortly after his wife announced that she has cancer. 40 minutes ago, he left an event on 54th and park ave. - a mile away from my apartment. phew, so all the commotion was just john edwards leaving a building and getting into his car. now i can sleep soundly.
Monday, March 19, 2007
where is he?
ugh, dating. as charlotte from sex and the city said, "i've been dating since i was 16, where is he?" i'm trying to think of my first date, hmm. oh yeah, i think i was 15 - i know it was before i could drive. i was an after school ski instructor at the local ski "hill" in my town. i met a guy somehow who was also a ski instructor. i have no idea how we got to talking and how it turned into him driving me home after our classes and going on "dates." i don't even remember what dates we went on. i think we went to the movies. i don't think we went out to dinner. i remember his name, kind of what he looked like - he was tall with dirty blonde hair, he was from another town, a couple years older than me, and wanted to go to villanova. i think we stopped "dating" when the ski season was over. he was my first kiss. at 15. is that old? is that young? i don't know, but almost 10 years of dating later and about 35 guys i've kissed later, i'm so sick of dating and just hooking up.
i didn't really date in college. i was with one guy for a year and then kind of hooked up with other guys for the other 3 years. i didn't really start dating until i moved to new york. i know the best way to meet someone is through a friend. unfortunately, most of my friends are single girls who don't have any guy friends. i have dated a couple guys that i met through my friends, though. i started dating one guy i met through a friend about 6 months after i moved here. we went out for 3 months - the longest i've dated a guy while living here.
other than that, it's been a date or 2 or sometimes 3 with the occassional hook up. most of the guys i've gone out with have been guys i met at bars. we're drunk, or at least buzzed, he buys me a drink, we talk and we're getting along and he's cute enough. he asks for my number and i give it to him. i don't always remember his name when he calls and i hope that i recognize him when we meet up. (one time, the guy and i admitted that we probably wouldn't recongize each other when we met, so he had to clearly explain to me where on the street he was waiting for me. i know, that's bad.) for some reason, i haven't been able to get past 3 dates with a guy i meet at a bar. and that could be attributed to the unspoken "rule" here in new york - the 3 date rule. guys expect to sleep with you by the 3rd date. if you don't, what's the point? they'll just go out to one of the hundreds of bars in the city and meet another girl who will. now, not all guys here follow that, but it's to be expected, especially when dating a guy you meet at a bar. and that's not really a rule i want to follow.
i hate first dates. everytime i go on a first date, i hope that it's my last first date. but, i have to go on dates. i enjoy the company of guys, and the attention, and the affection. i can't get that out of 1, 2, or 3 dates though - it takes time, and i feel like guys here, or at least those my age, aren't interested in anything more than sex. of course, we all want that, but what about being close to someone, being able to talk to and rely on someone, and having someone to enjoy doing nothing with? and once you have that, you have someone to have sex with all the time and not have to go through that first time sleeping with someone awkwardness, which is never good. why aren't guys interested in the more than just sex thing?
so, how am i supposed to meet a guy who wants to get to know me and not just my body? i've talked to people about this, and everyone says you can't be looking for someone, it just happens when you least expect it - and i totally agree, but i have to do something. i'm not going to meet a guy sitting in my apartment. so i've thought about the things i like to do: shopping - not going to meet a guy there, reading - don't want to join a book club, helping kids learn to read - how will i meet a guy doing that?, taking a class in painting or writing - don't know if i'd meet a guy there, but i'm going to do it anyway, live music - i'm going to 3 concerts in the next couple months, so we'll see if i meet someone there. the guys i want to date like sports, which makes it hard for me to meet those guys because i don't like sports - baseball is ok to watch and i can't sit through a football game. and i don't like playing sports - i wish i enjoyed softball because i would love to join a softball team, but i can't catch, throw, or hit. i'm such a girl.
a guy called me last week who i met about a month ago at a bar at 3am. we only talked for like 10 minutes, but i gave him my number. he said he'd call the next day, but i didn't hear from him until 3 weeks later when he texted me to make sure i remembered him, and then when i wrote back, he called me a week later to see if i want to go out. i was impressed that he called me because guys these days rely on texting too much, and i was going to call him back, but i was just feeling unmotivated. i barely remember him and i met him at a bar a month ago. something about that makes me uneasy. if it takes him a month to get around to calling me for a first date, what is it going to be like if we start dating? i haven't been on a date for awhile, so i was tempted, but i don't want to just go back to his apartment. i want something more meaninful. and someone who takes a month to call me for a first date is not someone i want something meaningful with. so i'm not calling him back. he scored points for calling, but it was about a month too late. now what am i supposed to do?
i heard today that a girl i work with who is my age, attractive, and normal when on a date she met on eharmony. she said he was normal and they'll go out again. she had to run to a meeting, so i didn't hear any more than that, but it intrigued me. so tonight i went on eharmony. i filled out the survey, looked at my personality profile, and checked out some of my matches. it's only been about an hour since i finished filling out the survey. i have 7 matches, 3 of them are in the city. the other 4 are from connecticut, new jersey, or upstate. i have a hard enough time dating someone from brooklyn, let alone from new jersey, so i focused on the new york matches. i haven't paid the $60 a month to join (that's a lot of money to try out online dating), so i can't look at pictures and i'm not sure if i could communicate with people yet. out of the new york matches: one guy seems ok - he's 29, works in finance, likes humor and family, one guy is 23 - too young, and the other guy works in a bar and doesn't remember the last book he read - eh, not interested. then there's one guy from connecticut who "requests communication." he's from another state, so that's annoying, but it's a 30 minute train ride away, so it's not the end of the world. he likes sports, music, and family - all good to me. i think i'll communicate back, if i could do that without paying the $60 to join, and see how it goes. meeting someone over the internet makes me really nervous and i'm not sure what type of guy does online dating, but what else am i supposed to do?
where is he?
i didn't really date in college. i was with one guy for a year and then kind of hooked up with other guys for the other 3 years. i didn't really start dating until i moved to new york. i know the best way to meet someone is through a friend. unfortunately, most of my friends are single girls who don't have any guy friends. i have dated a couple guys that i met through my friends, though. i started dating one guy i met through a friend about 6 months after i moved here. we went out for 3 months - the longest i've dated a guy while living here.
other than that, it's been a date or 2 or sometimes 3 with the occassional hook up. most of the guys i've gone out with have been guys i met at bars. we're drunk, or at least buzzed, he buys me a drink, we talk and we're getting along and he's cute enough. he asks for my number and i give it to him. i don't always remember his name when he calls and i hope that i recognize him when we meet up. (one time, the guy and i admitted that we probably wouldn't recongize each other when we met, so he had to clearly explain to me where on the street he was waiting for me. i know, that's bad.) for some reason, i haven't been able to get past 3 dates with a guy i meet at a bar. and that could be attributed to the unspoken "rule" here in new york - the 3 date rule. guys expect to sleep with you by the 3rd date. if you don't, what's the point? they'll just go out to one of the hundreds of bars in the city and meet another girl who will. now, not all guys here follow that, but it's to be expected, especially when dating a guy you meet at a bar. and that's not really a rule i want to follow.
i hate first dates. everytime i go on a first date, i hope that it's my last first date. but, i have to go on dates. i enjoy the company of guys, and the attention, and the affection. i can't get that out of 1, 2, or 3 dates though - it takes time, and i feel like guys here, or at least those my age, aren't interested in anything more than sex. of course, we all want that, but what about being close to someone, being able to talk to and rely on someone, and having someone to enjoy doing nothing with? and once you have that, you have someone to have sex with all the time and not have to go through that first time sleeping with someone awkwardness, which is never good. why aren't guys interested in the more than just sex thing?
so, how am i supposed to meet a guy who wants to get to know me and not just my body? i've talked to people about this, and everyone says you can't be looking for someone, it just happens when you least expect it - and i totally agree, but i have to do something. i'm not going to meet a guy sitting in my apartment. so i've thought about the things i like to do: shopping - not going to meet a guy there, reading - don't want to join a book club, helping kids learn to read - how will i meet a guy doing that?, taking a class in painting or writing - don't know if i'd meet a guy there, but i'm going to do it anyway, live music - i'm going to 3 concerts in the next couple months, so we'll see if i meet someone there. the guys i want to date like sports, which makes it hard for me to meet those guys because i don't like sports - baseball is ok to watch and i can't sit through a football game. and i don't like playing sports - i wish i enjoyed softball because i would love to join a softball team, but i can't catch, throw, or hit. i'm such a girl.
a guy called me last week who i met about a month ago at a bar at 3am. we only talked for like 10 minutes, but i gave him my number. he said he'd call the next day, but i didn't hear from him until 3 weeks later when he texted me to make sure i remembered him, and then when i wrote back, he called me a week later to see if i want to go out. i was impressed that he called me because guys these days rely on texting too much, and i was going to call him back, but i was just feeling unmotivated. i barely remember him and i met him at a bar a month ago. something about that makes me uneasy. if it takes him a month to get around to calling me for a first date, what is it going to be like if we start dating? i haven't been on a date for awhile, so i was tempted, but i don't want to just go back to his apartment. i want something more meaninful. and someone who takes a month to call me for a first date is not someone i want something meaningful with. so i'm not calling him back. he scored points for calling, but it was about a month too late. now what am i supposed to do?
i heard today that a girl i work with who is my age, attractive, and normal when on a date she met on eharmony. she said he was normal and they'll go out again. she had to run to a meeting, so i didn't hear any more than that, but it intrigued me. so tonight i went on eharmony. i filled out the survey, looked at my personality profile, and checked out some of my matches. it's only been about an hour since i finished filling out the survey. i have 7 matches, 3 of them are in the city. the other 4 are from connecticut, new jersey, or upstate. i have a hard enough time dating someone from brooklyn, let alone from new jersey, so i focused on the new york matches. i haven't paid the $60 a month to join (that's a lot of money to try out online dating), so i can't look at pictures and i'm not sure if i could communicate with people yet. out of the new york matches: one guy seems ok - he's 29, works in finance, likes humor and family, one guy is 23 - too young, and the other guy works in a bar and doesn't remember the last book he read - eh, not interested. then there's one guy from connecticut who "requests communication." he's from another state, so that's annoying, but it's a 30 minute train ride away, so it's not the end of the world. he likes sports, music, and family - all good to me. i think i'll communicate back, if i could do that without paying the $60 to join, and see how it goes. meeting someone over the internet makes me really nervous and i'm not sure what type of guy does online dating, but what else am i supposed to do?
where is he?
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
a good decision
it was time for a change. i knew it, i thought about it, i talked about it, i imagined it. over the years, i have made small changes to my hair style that only those close to me who saw me every day noticed. i parted my hair in the middle, i parted my hair to the side, i had some highlights, i cut it shorter, i grew it longer. no big deal. but i wanted a change. i have an oval face and i think my forehead is too big. for years, i had tried to let some of my hair lay over my forehead, but it was difficult to get that to work - it all depended on how i dried my hair, how wet it was before i dried it, what the weather was like, etc. there were good days and bad days.
so when everyone had the sweeping bangs, i decided to try it out, but it didn't work. my hair just didn't want to cooperate and part like i wanted it to. so for a month i just dealt with a hair style that didn't really work and waited for the side bangs to grow out some. then i got an idea. while looking through fashion magazines i noticed that some models had bangs - not side sweeping bangs, but straight bangs across the forehead. i liked the look. then every morning on my way to work on the bus i noticed a fashion poster at the bus shelter on 72nd and madison that featured a close up shot of a girl wearing a white turtleneck who had bangs. i really liked that haircut and wondered what it would look like on me.
so one day in december i stood in front of the mirror and folded some of my hair back and tried to picture what i would look like with bangs. then i took some scissors and snipped my hair, then i snipped some more, and more, until i had done it - i had cut the hair at the front of my face and created a new hairstyle for myself; i had bangs. i was pretty excited. i thought it looked good and it was something new. at first, it was difficult to get used to it. i wasn't used to feeling anything on my forehead and i was always wondering if my hair was still in place when i walked away from the mirror.
i went into work the next day and many of my coworkers noticed the change. even people i had never talked to before asked if i got a haircut and said they liked it. i know whenever someone gets a haircut, even if it's just a trim, the natural reaction is, "did you get a haircut? it looks good." but i felt like people were being genuine about my haircut, especially when people i had never talked to before were telling me it looked good. i felt pretty happy. i took a picture of myself and sent it to my family. my mom loved it, but that could be because it was the same haircut i had when i was 5 years old when she was in charge of my hair style. then i saw some of my friends and they said i looked different and that my haircut looked great. i went out to bars and random guys complimented me on my haircut. i heard comments like, "i usually don't like bangs, but they look good on you" and "not everyone could pull off wearing bangs, but it works on you." oh well if that was just a "line" from the guys - the fact that they noticed my new haircut was good enough for me.
i really had no idea that my haircut was that big of a deal. i just wanted something different that hid my forehead. i saw the haircut on other people and thought i'd try it out on myself, and i guess it worked. it's been 3 months since i created my new hairstyle and i'm still getting used to it. if it's windy outside and my hair blows around, i still wonder how my bangs look and i'm constantly looking in the mirror on my desk at work to make sure they look ok. and i get irritated with them sometimes. i have to take an extra step every morning when i'm getting ready to straighten them. sometimes i just don't want anything on my forehead and get annoyed by the feeling of the hair resting on my forehead. and i don't know what i'm going to do in the summer when it's hot out and my forehead gets sweaty or i'm tanning and don't want to get a tan line where my bangs are. but the thought of the excruciating process of growing my bangs out is not something i could deal with right now.
i know bangs were a trend over the winter in fashion ads, on runways, and with celebs (think nelly furtado and gwen stefani 2 months ago). i've been wondering if the trend has passed and if my hairstyle is going to become the next chunky shoes or poncho sweaters, but for the past couple weeks i've noticed posters in the subway stations for french connection. i think fcuk is a respectable, fashion-forward company (wish i could afford the clothes). so i was reassured to see that the ads they are running now feature a group of stylish, hip young adults, including some girls with bangs. and the posters i've seen don't just show one girl with bangs. it's more like 4 out of 10 of the girls have bangs - the same hairstyle that i have. that's significant. now i can continue to feel proud of my haircut at least through the spring 2007 season.
so when everyone had the sweeping bangs, i decided to try it out, but it didn't work. my hair just didn't want to cooperate and part like i wanted it to. so for a month i just dealt with a hair style that didn't really work and waited for the side bangs to grow out some. then i got an idea. while looking through fashion magazines i noticed that some models had bangs - not side sweeping bangs, but straight bangs across the forehead. i liked the look. then every morning on my way to work on the bus i noticed a fashion poster at the bus shelter on 72nd and madison that featured a close up shot of a girl wearing a white turtleneck who had bangs. i really liked that haircut and wondered what it would look like on me.
so one day in december i stood in front of the mirror and folded some of my hair back and tried to picture what i would look like with bangs. then i took some scissors and snipped my hair, then i snipped some more, and more, until i had done it - i had cut the hair at the front of my face and created a new hairstyle for myself; i had bangs. i was pretty excited. i thought it looked good and it was something new. at first, it was difficult to get used to it. i wasn't used to feeling anything on my forehead and i was always wondering if my hair was still in place when i walked away from the mirror.
i went into work the next day and many of my coworkers noticed the change. even people i had never talked to before asked if i got a haircut and said they liked it. i know whenever someone gets a haircut, even if it's just a trim, the natural reaction is, "did you get a haircut? it looks good." but i felt like people were being genuine about my haircut, especially when people i had never talked to before were telling me it looked good. i felt pretty happy. i took a picture of myself and sent it to my family. my mom loved it, but that could be because it was the same haircut i had when i was 5 years old when she was in charge of my hair style. then i saw some of my friends and they said i looked different and that my haircut looked great. i went out to bars and random guys complimented me on my haircut. i heard comments like, "i usually don't like bangs, but they look good on you" and "not everyone could pull off wearing bangs, but it works on you." oh well if that was just a "line" from the guys - the fact that they noticed my new haircut was good enough for me.
i really had no idea that my haircut was that big of a deal. i just wanted something different that hid my forehead. i saw the haircut on other people and thought i'd try it out on myself, and i guess it worked. it's been 3 months since i created my new hairstyle and i'm still getting used to it. if it's windy outside and my hair blows around, i still wonder how my bangs look and i'm constantly looking in the mirror on my desk at work to make sure they look ok. and i get irritated with them sometimes. i have to take an extra step every morning when i'm getting ready to straighten them. sometimes i just don't want anything on my forehead and get annoyed by the feeling of the hair resting on my forehead. and i don't know what i'm going to do in the summer when it's hot out and my forehead gets sweaty or i'm tanning and don't want to get a tan line where my bangs are. but the thought of the excruciating process of growing my bangs out is not something i could deal with right now.
i know bangs were a trend over the winter in fashion ads, on runways, and with celebs (think nelly furtado and gwen stefani 2 months ago). i've been wondering if the trend has passed and if my hairstyle is going to become the next chunky shoes or poncho sweaters, but for the past couple weeks i've noticed posters in the subway stations for french connection. i think fcuk is a respectable, fashion-forward company (wish i could afford the clothes). so i was reassured to see that the ads they are running now feature a group of stylish, hip young adults, including some girls with bangs. and the posters i've seen don't just show one girl with bangs. it's more like 4 out of 10 of the girls have bangs - the same hairstyle that i have. that's significant. now i can continue to feel proud of my haircut at least through the spring 2007 season.
Monday, March 12, 2007
let them eat cake!
yesterday i watched the movie marie antoinette and i really liked it. i remember wanting to see it when it was in the theatres, but i didn't. i very rarely spend the $10 to see a movie. they come out on dvd only a few months after they're in the theatre, so i just wait it out and watch them on the comfort of my own couch. i remember hearing mixed reviews when marie antoinette first came out. i mostly remember that critics said it was too modernized and the current music did not fit with the historical setting of the movie, but the modern look and tone of the movie are what i liked best about it.
i thought the movie was a lot of fun to watch. it was really filmed at the castle in versaille where maire antoinette and louis xvi lived. and the castle is beautiful - it's so grand and ornate. i loved thinking about what it was like to live there centuries ago. the entire set was so beautiful to watch. in one of the features on the dvd where sofia coppola was interviewed, she stated that the film set was very girly, and it was. the colors were of pastels, sorbets, and flowery prints. the lighting was bright - inside the castle and out in the fields and gardens. there were scenes full of cupcakes, cookies, candies, and flowers - what girl doesn't love those things? even though the dresses worn over the tight corsets were probably very uncomfortable, i wanted one. like i really wanted one of the dresses, but in the 2007 version.
after watching this film, i think sofia coppola is amazing. i have respect for directors in general, but it's even more impressive that she is a female director. i loved that she made the film fun to watch through the elaborate, colorful sets and the modern music, but also managed to tell the story from marie antoinette's point of view. the movie did leave me wanting more, but as she stated in an interview on the dvd, the story of marie antoinette is complex and difficult to thoroughly tell in a movie. luckily i have the biography of marie antoinette by antonia fraser, which sofia loosely based the movie on. i will soon read the book and learn more about the full story of marie antoinette while picturing the vibrant movie set in my head.
i thought the movie was a lot of fun to watch. it was really filmed at the castle in versaille where maire antoinette and louis xvi lived. and the castle is beautiful - it's so grand and ornate. i loved thinking about what it was like to live there centuries ago. the entire set was so beautiful to watch. in one of the features on the dvd where sofia coppola was interviewed, she stated that the film set was very girly, and it was. the colors were of pastels, sorbets, and flowery prints. the lighting was bright - inside the castle and out in the fields and gardens. there were scenes full of cupcakes, cookies, candies, and flowers - what girl doesn't love those things? even though the dresses worn over the tight corsets were probably very uncomfortable, i wanted one. like i really wanted one of the dresses, but in the 2007 version.
kirstin dunst plays marie antoinette. usually she annoys me, but she was a good fit in this film. she was believable as a young girl who has been thrown into an adult life that she is not ready for. and i don't know what it is about jason schwartzman, but he cracks me up. he plays louis xvi and as my friend put it, he was a good fit for his role as a man child. the interaction between the characters of kirstin and jason were awkward and uncomfortable at times, but believable. not many words were passed between them, but you understood their feelings about taking on the overwhelming role of king and queen and their feelings about being together.
marie antoinette: so, i hear you make keys for a hobby?
louis xvi: yes.
marie antoinette:...and do you enjoy making keys?
louis xvi: obviously.
after watching this film, i think sofia coppola is amazing. i have respect for directors in general, but it's even more impressive that she is a female director. i loved that she made the film fun to watch through the elaborate, colorful sets and the modern music, but also managed to tell the story from marie antoinette's point of view. the movie did leave me wanting more, but as she stated in an interview on the dvd, the story of marie antoinette is complex and difficult to thoroughly tell in a movie. luckily i have the biography of marie antoinette by antonia fraser, which sofia loosely based the movie on. i will soon read the book and learn more about the full story of marie antoinette while picturing the vibrant movie set in my head.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
my sister
we share the same mannerisms and people say we look like twins.
we're sisters.
my sister is two years younger than me. when people find out that i have a sister who is close to my age, i’m asked if we are close. i usually respond by saying, “yeah, i guess.” growing up, living in the same house, my sister and i were close. when we were young, my mom dressed us in the same clothes, we had the same neighborhood friends, and we went to the same summer camp. but, we would fight occasionally like all sisters do. at first, we would get into fights over who got to play with the better barbie doll, and when we became teenagers, we would fight over borrowing each other’s clothes. but in between those petty fights, we were good friends and looked up to each other.
like most sisters, our friendship has gone through stages as we have grown older. we first grew apart when she was in middle school and i was in high school. my sister was always the more outgoing one. she had a lot of friends in middle school/high school, excelled in every sport she played, and always kept herself busy. i was more shy in middle school/high school and excelled more in academics than in sports. we got into fights a lot at that stage of our lives when we were coming into our own and were not yet mature enough to accept that fact that we are different.
when i went off to college and my sister was still in high school, our relationship changed. we had more respect and appreciation for each other and we missed that we weren’t living in the same house anymore. we talked on the phone, she visited me in college, and i saw her when i went home. i think what brought us close to each other during that time is that we were both in serious relationships. we were both going through a similar experience together and supported each other.
but then, we went through another critical phase in our relationship. i was finishing college and my sister was entering it. i wanted to be the older sister who could give her advice based on what i went through. but my sister didn’t need my help. she wanted to figure things out on her own, just like i did. she didn’t want to be treated differently because she is younger. we didn’t really get along well during that time. i wanted to help her and she didn’t want to hear it. she acted like she knew everything and didn’t need my advice.
now i am living in new york while she is finishing college. we have busy schedules, so we usually talk on the phone every few weeks. we definitely have a bond where we could go without talking for weeks, but catch up on each other’s lives quickly. when my sister was learning how to talk, i was always the one in the family who could understand her. and still today, i am the one in the family who understands her the best. she could randomly jump from subject to subject while talking, and i’ll be able to follow along.
recently we have become closer even though we are still opposite in many ways. i’m a city girl and she’s a country girl. we’re both outgoing and confident, but in different ways. i like going out for drinks and dinner with my friends. my sister likes staying in for drinks and movies with her friends. my sister is athletic – she plays and coaches field hockey, lacrosse, basketball. i’m more creative – i like reading and writing and art. but we’re sisters. we’re not sisters who tell each other everything, but we are always there for each other, and it’s nice. i miss living near her and wonder if we would be closer if we lived near each other now that we are independent adults.
this week my sister is coming to visit me. she has only been to new york once before, last winter, on a visit with my parents. this time she is coming on her own. i’m taking three days off from work, so we’ll have four days to catch up and spend time together in the city that’s been a part of my life for almost three years. i’ll show her the sights – empire state building, times square, chrysler building. we have tickets for the nbc studio tour and for rent on broadway. and we’ll go out like i normally do to local bars, restaurants, and shopping. i’m glad she is coming to visit and that i have my sister as a friend.
we're sisters.
my sister is two years younger than me. when people find out that i have a sister who is close to my age, i’m asked if we are close. i usually respond by saying, “yeah, i guess.” growing up, living in the same house, my sister and i were close. when we were young, my mom dressed us in the same clothes, we had the same neighborhood friends, and we went to the same summer camp. but, we would fight occasionally like all sisters do. at first, we would get into fights over who got to play with the better barbie doll, and when we became teenagers, we would fight over borrowing each other’s clothes. but in between those petty fights, we were good friends and looked up to each other.
like most sisters, our friendship has gone through stages as we have grown older. we first grew apart when she was in middle school and i was in high school. my sister was always the more outgoing one. she had a lot of friends in middle school/high school, excelled in every sport she played, and always kept herself busy. i was more shy in middle school/high school and excelled more in academics than in sports. we got into fights a lot at that stage of our lives when we were coming into our own and were not yet mature enough to accept that fact that we are different.
when i went off to college and my sister was still in high school, our relationship changed. we had more respect and appreciation for each other and we missed that we weren’t living in the same house anymore. we talked on the phone, she visited me in college, and i saw her when i went home. i think what brought us close to each other during that time is that we were both in serious relationships. we were both going through a similar experience together and supported each other.
but then, we went through another critical phase in our relationship. i was finishing college and my sister was entering it. i wanted to be the older sister who could give her advice based on what i went through. but my sister didn’t need my help. she wanted to figure things out on her own, just like i did. she didn’t want to be treated differently because she is younger. we didn’t really get along well during that time. i wanted to help her and she didn’t want to hear it. she acted like she knew everything and didn’t need my advice.
now i am living in new york while she is finishing college. we have busy schedules, so we usually talk on the phone every few weeks. we definitely have a bond where we could go without talking for weeks, but catch up on each other’s lives quickly. when my sister was learning how to talk, i was always the one in the family who could understand her. and still today, i am the one in the family who understands her the best. she could randomly jump from subject to subject while talking, and i’ll be able to follow along.
recently we have become closer even though we are still opposite in many ways. i’m a city girl and she’s a country girl. we’re both outgoing and confident, but in different ways. i like going out for drinks and dinner with my friends. my sister likes staying in for drinks and movies with her friends. my sister is athletic – she plays and coaches field hockey, lacrosse, basketball. i’m more creative – i like reading and writing and art. but we’re sisters. we’re not sisters who tell each other everything, but we are always there for each other, and it’s nice. i miss living near her and wonder if we would be closer if we lived near each other now that we are independent adults.
this week my sister is coming to visit me. she has only been to new york once before, last winter, on a visit with my parents. this time she is coming on her own. i’m taking three days off from work, so we’ll have four days to catch up and spend time together in the city that’s been a part of my life for almost three years. i’ll show her the sights – empire state building, times square, chrysler building. we have tickets for the nbc studio tour and for rent on broadway. and we’ll go out like i normally do to local bars, restaurants, and shopping. i’m glad she is coming to visit and that i have my sister as a friend.
Monday, March 5, 2007
self expression
i like chocolate
i hate
waking up early
i wish i was b-i-l-i-n-g-u-a-l
i hope my family stays +healthy+
i could do 10 girl push ups in a row
i should volunteer my _time/_
i would take a class if they weren't so expen$ive
i do wear contacts
i don't have a boyfriend <3
i always br ea th e
i never stop thinking:gniknith
i hate
waking up early
i wish i was b-i-l-i-n-g-u-a-l
i hope my family stays +healthy+
i could do 10 girl push ups in a row
i should volunteer my _time/_
i would take a class if they weren't so expen$ive
i do wear contacts
i don't have a boyfriend <3
i always br ea th e
i never stop thinking:gniknith
Friday, March 2, 2007
temporary new yorker
there are a few reasons why i wouldn't settle down permanently in new york city:
1. cost of living: it's expensive. yeah, salaries are higher in new york relative to other parts of the country, but it doesn't justify the high cost of living. first, there's the food - i read that entrees at the outback are $4 more in manhattan, than they are in queens. and queens is part of new york city, so the price difference is probably even higher compared to a restaurant outside of nyc. today i bought a sandwich - salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato for $7.35. yogurt costs $1.10. cereal costs around $6. then there's rent - when i lived in boston 2 1/2 years ago, i paid $600 for my half of the rent in a spacious 2 bedroom apartment, so it was $1200 total for the apartment. now i pay more than that for a 350 square foot studio apartment that hasn't been renovated for many years. and then there's the cost of owning a place. i read an article recently about the price of apartments in the city. the article featured a woman who bought a 470 square foot, newly renovated apartment in downtown manhattan for $570,000. that is nuts. finally, there's the cost of transportation. most people don't own a car because you don't need it and it's expensive. i don't even know how much car insurance costs in the city, but i remember my friend parked her car in the parking garage across the street from me overnight for $65. cab fares start at $2.50 and if you travel during rush hour it's $1 extra and when you travel between 8PM and 6AM it's $.50 extra. one trip on a subway costs $2.
2. my family: this has nothing to do with new york, but i wouldn't want to live here permanently because i'm too far from my family. i'm really close to them and i don't want to always need to plan ahead and take a 3 1/2 hour train ride or hour plane ride to see them. i miss being able to drive 40 minutes whenever i want to see them.
3. nature: you have to leave the city to see nature. there are some tree-lined streets, but you don't even notice when the skimpy trees leaves change color. the only way to see foliage is from walking through central park, but it's usually too cold to do that in october/november. and the first thing i always notice when i'm outside of the city at night is the stars. because of all the lights in the city, the stars in the sky are not visible. i miss stars. i think the skyline is beautiful and i love looking at the buildings, but it's not something i want to be looking at forever. the buildings stay the same, but nature changes every season.
3. space: space doesn't exist in manhattan. apartments are tiny, restaurants and bars are crowded and small, the subways are always packed with people, traffic is an everyday occurrence - in the street for cars and on the sidewalks for people. that's why central park is my favorite place in the city. there is plenty of space and it's quiet and relaxing. and just about every weekend i am reminded of the lack of space when my neighbors have some friends over and throw a party (which they are doing now). i think the kids in the apartment throw a party whenever their parents are away. at least when you throw a party in a suburb where the houses are big and there is space in between them, your neighbors don't know when you have 5 friends over. that's not the story here - my neighbors right now probably have about 5 people over. they have big windows in their apartment with no curtains, so i can see inside their apartment and they have a little "yard" outside that they are hanging out in now. i heard them singing for an hour tonight in their apartment and now i hear every word of their conversation while they are standing outside. i hear them along with the people in the at least 50 other apartments overlooking theirs. i wouldn't want to live in a fishbowl.
1. cost of living: it's expensive. yeah, salaries are higher in new york relative to other parts of the country, but it doesn't justify the high cost of living. first, there's the food - i read that entrees at the outback are $4 more in manhattan, than they are in queens. and queens is part of new york city, so the price difference is probably even higher compared to a restaurant outside of nyc. today i bought a sandwich - salami, cheese, lettuce, tomato for $7.35. yogurt costs $1.10. cereal costs around $6. then there's rent - when i lived in boston 2 1/2 years ago, i paid $600 for my half of the rent in a spacious 2 bedroom apartment, so it was $1200 total for the apartment. now i pay more than that for a 350 square foot studio apartment that hasn't been renovated for many years. and then there's the cost of owning a place. i read an article recently about the price of apartments in the city. the article featured a woman who bought a 470 square foot, newly renovated apartment in downtown manhattan for $570,000. that is nuts. finally, there's the cost of transportation. most people don't own a car because you don't need it and it's expensive. i don't even know how much car insurance costs in the city, but i remember my friend parked her car in the parking garage across the street from me overnight for $65. cab fares start at $2.50 and if you travel during rush hour it's $1 extra and when you travel between 8PM and 6AM it's $.50 extra. one trip on a subway costs $2.
2. my family: this has nothing to do with new york, but i wouldn't want to live here permanently because i'm too far from my family. i'm really close to them and i don't want to always need to plan ahead and take a 3 1/2 hour train ride or hour plane ride to see them. i miss being able to drive 40 minutes whenever i want to see them.
3. nature: you have to leave the city to see nature. there are some tree-lined streets, but you don't even notice when the skimpy trees leaves change color. the only way to see foliage is from walking through central park, but it's usually too cold to do that in october/november. and the first thing i always notice when i'm outside of the city at night is the stars. because of all the lights in the city, the stars in the sky are not visible. i miss stars. i think the skyline is beautiful and i love looking at the buildings, but it's not something i want to be looking at forever. the buildings stay the same, but nature changes every season.
3. space: space doesn't exist in manhattan. apartments are tiny, restaurants and bars are crowded and small, the subways are always packed with people, traffic is an everyday occurrence - in the street for cars and on the sidewalks for people. that's why central park is my favorite place in the city. there is plenty of space and it's quiet and relaxing. and just about every weekend i am reminded of the lack of space when my neighbors have some friends over and throw a party (which they are doing now). i think the kids in the apartment throw a party whenever their parents are away. at least when you throw a party in a suburb where the houses are big and there is space in between them, your neighbors don't know when you have 5 friends over. that's not the story here - my neighbors right now probably have about 5 people over. they have big windows in their apartment with no curtains, so i can see inside their apartment and they have a little "yard" outside that they are hanging out in now. i heard them singing for an hour tonight in their apartment and now i hear every word of their conversation while they are standing outside. i hear them along with the people in the at least 50 other apartments overlooking theirs. i wouldn't want to live in a fishbowl.
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