unnaturally caffeinated with a naturally caffeinated drink

iamcaffeinatedup. and i feel like a crazy person. i am a laid-back person, except for those times when my anxiety kicks in - like on a first date, presenting to large groups of people, going to the doctor's, etc. but overall, if i'm just going about my day, i keep calm. i think part of the reason i am so calm is that i am part of the 10% of americans who doesn't drink coffee. i don't like the taste of it and i didn't want to become dependant on it, so i never got into the habit. caffeine is a drug. people become dependant on it. my mom drinks 2 cups of coffee every morning. if she doesn't have her coffee, she gets a major headache. she relies on her coffee in the morning like i rely on my contacts and glasses to see. i don't want to rely on a drink to get through the day.

however, that sometimes works against me, like when i have to be alert in the morning. i am not a morning person. maybe it's because i don't drink coffee. it was ok while i was in school. i don't know how i got up for high school everyday, but i did. although i do know i often drove well over the speed limit to get to class and was sometimes late for the first session of "homeroom" because i couldn't wake up. in college, i was able to choose my class times. there are those people who choose early classes so they could get their classes over with and enjoy the afternoon. i was not one of those people. my school didn't have night classes, but i tried to get the classes that started later in the day, like 1:45 or 3:25. my earliest class was at 9:45 and i definitely remember having a tough time getting up for that. i would often sleep through the class or roll out of bed, go to class, and go back to my room and take a nap. even, in the "real world" at work, my lack of getting-up-in-the-morning ability has been a slight problem. my first job was at a small company and my cube was right outside my boss’s desk. well i would often stroll into work at 9:30, not 9 like i was supposed to. i was spoken to a couple times about needing to come in on time. i would then come in on time for a couple weeks and then revert back to my 9:30 time. at my second job, i was at a bigger company and had my own office down the hall from the rest of my team. in the mornings, i would often sneak in a back hallway, run into my office, and turn on my computer and listen to my vms immediately to catch up on the half hour of morning work that i missed. i was never spoken to about getting in on time. either no one noticed, or they realized that my staying until 6:30 or 7 or 7:30 at night made up for it. is it the lack of caffeine in the morning that makes it a struggle to be on time in the morning? or is it what the band broken social scene sings, "if you always get up late, you'll never be on time?" that's definitely a problem of mine.

but anyway, the other day i was watching the show "get fresh with sara snow" on tlc i think it is. i had never seen the show before, but as i was flipping through the tv guide thing, the info thing summarized the episode with a blurb about an alternative caffeine to coffee. i was interested, so i watched the episode that ended up promoting the drink guayaki. guayaki is a brand of yerba mate tea that is high in antioxidants and is naturally caffeinated. it has less caffeine than coffee and more caffeine than green tea. i started drinking green tea at work to wake me up a little, but i thought i would try out this drink as another alternative. i get really sensitive to caffeine. if i drink coffee, my heart starts racing and i get shaky. so today in the comfort of my home, i decided to try out the raspberry revolution guayaki yerba mate. the taste isn't bad. it has kind of a weird earthy smell and after taste, but i got used to it after a few sips. and the caffeine has definitely kicked in. this morning i did two things that usually take a lot of motivation for me to do: working out and packing. i had the energy and concentration to get through my workout and i packed up my room with minimal breaks. now the things that i could have stretched out all day to complete are out of the way and i could enjoy the rest of the day. now i'm going to finish my tea, walk over to the post office and bank (i got my security deposit back in less than 30 days after moving out - yay! but now i have to send a letter asking for my key deposit money back - blah!), and then drive back up to new hampshire for my last week at that house!

bob marley came on the radio and i thought of him

we worked at a music store together. emptying boxes of cds and alphabetizing them in their bins, ringing up customers on the register, and mostly just hanging around listening to music. it was a fun job. i worked there for two years i think and then i quit senior year of high school, to start a job in an office answering phones or something.

when he found out i was leaving the store, he finally built up the guts to ask me out. i don’t remember at all how he asked me out. i just know that we went out for 6 months, which was a big deal in high school. he lived in another town from me. he was tall, dirty blonde hair, and played the guitar – classical guitar. he really liked bob marley. i bought my second bob marley album while i was with him. we used to listen to “sun is shining” over and over.

valentine’s day was two weeks after we started “going out.” he said he had something planned for the day and i guess i freaked out because i broke up with him over the phone a day before valentine’s day. i later found out he had bought me flowers and was going to bring me out for dinner. i think he was pretty upset over the break up because about a week later he called me. i listened to what he had to say and we got back together.

i can’t remember what we did on our dates. did we go to the movies or dinner? the only “date” i remember was one time when we were watching tv at his house. he turned on the movie the wizard of oz. at the third roar of the lion before the movie started, he turned on pink floyd’s “dark side of the moon.” have you ever done that? some of the lyrics and the sounds of the album match up with what happens in the movie. coincidence? that’s what we were trying to figure out.

i went to his prom. i wore a powder blue cinderella dress. i curled my hair for some reason and i remember his mom said i looked like scarlet o’hara. after the prom, we went back to his house so i could change out of my dress before we went to his friend’s party. we ended up having a major make out session in his room and by the time we got to the party, everyone was already drunk and passed out.

he came to my high school graduation party. it was really hot that day and i had friends and family over. he didn’t really know many people at the party since he lived in another town. i don’t think he stayed long.

i broke up with him just before we went off to college. he was going away to a school in another state and i didn’t want a boyfriend going into college. i think he was upset. not long after i started college, i got an email from him. it didn’t say anything. it just contained an mp3 attachment of “redemption song” by bob marley. i didn’t respond.

while i was in college, maybe during sophomore year, i was visiting my parents and wanted to buy a cd. i went to the music store i/we used to work at. no way did i think he would be there. he went to school in another state. well, he was there. we caught up a little. he was taking a break from school cause “he was partying too much.” that was it. i bought my cd and didn’t see him again.

he was a nice guy. i just didn’t have too much interest in the relationship. i think i was more interested in having a boyfriend and someone to talk to than being with him, as bad as that is. i googled him the other day. he’s around. last month, he played guitar at an event in the town he grew up in. hm.