you, your friend, our mutual friend. i met your friend through our mutual friend. your friend made me laugh and he had an accent. i liked him. i was out with our mutual friend and told him i liked your friend. our mutual friend and i met up with your friend at a bar. my friend made out with your friend. i was upset. you were there too. i met you that night. our mutual friend told me you’re a nice guy. i talked to you, but i liked your friend.
weekends went by. you, your friend, our mutual friend and i had drinks together. a lot of drinks. frequently. one night, after you and our mutual friend left, your friend and i stayed at the bar. we finished our drinks. then we were ready to leave. i put on my coat. your friend leaned in, and kissed me. christmas was in a few days. i went back to your friend’s apartment. we made out in his bed and then fell asleep. i left in the morning and told your friend to call me when he got back from the holidays. he didn’t call.
weeks went by. i hung out at a bar with you, your friend, and our mutual friend. your friend was different. he didn’t really talk to me. you did, but i still liked your friend.
the four of us went out again. the next day our mutual friend told me that you liked me. i was interested.
the nights of drinking continued. i was out with you, your friend, and our mutual friend. you and i talked more that night. i went back to your apartment. we made out on your couch and in your bed. we fell asleep and i left the next morning. i didn’t care if you called me, it was just fun.
it was a blizzard outside, literally. you called me and invited me to a party you helped plan. i went to the party with our mutual friend and met you there. your friend was there too, but i didn’t really like him anymore. you barely talked to me all night. i was a little annoyed. your friends left the party and it was just us. it was still a blizzard outside. i went back to your apartment. we made out and then fell asleep. the next morning i woke up and looked outside. it was still snowing. i needed to get home. i walked outside, into the deep snow – more than a foot. i had to walk to the subway. it took too long. the snow was deep. it was cold. i was hungover. it was the worst walk of shame.
you didn’t call me. i didn’t really care. months went by. 6 months to be exact.
i was out with our mutual friend. he told me you and your friend were at a bar a few blocks away. i sent you a text message. you wrote back the next day. we made plans to meet up.
i didn’t know if it was going to be a date. we had only hung out with your friends, so i thought they would be there. but they weren’t – it was a date. we had some drinks. it was awkward. we didn’t have much to talk about. i tried to start conversations, but you didn’t talk much. it was a boring date and i was tired. we went back to your apartment. we made out, then fell asleep. i stayed around a little in the morning, and played with your cat, but we didn’t say much to each other. i was sure you wouldn’t call me.
but on wednesday, i had a voicemail from you. we went out again a few weeks later. this time it was a real date – bottle of wine, appetizer, entrée, dessert. it was nice. you talked more. i liked you more. i went back to your apartment. we made out, fell asleep, i left in the morning.
a couple weeks went by. i was out with my friend and sent you a text message. you were at a bar nearby. we met up with you. it was awkward – you’re so quiet. my friend got a cab and left. i got in a cab and left. i could tell you were disappointed that you were going back to your apartment alone that night.
we met up the next weekend. this time for a comedy show. it was my idea. we didn’t need to talk much. it was good. you came back to my apartment, we did more than make out. it was ok. you left in the morning.
you called the next week. i didn’t call back. our mutual friend asked me why i didn’t return your call. i told him we didn’t click. you and i had nothing to talk about. he wasn’t surprised.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
drinks, lies, and laughs..
we went to 3 bars. we knew the first bar we went to wouldn't be our style, but a guy i know was there and it was free drinks. to get into the place was $10. there are bars in the city that you need to pay a cover for, but there are more that you don't need to pay for, so no bar is worth a cover, especially this place. so my friend and i were standing in the doorway while i was trying to call the guy i know to find out the name of his party, but he wasn't picking up. the guys at the door asked us what our deal was and my friend said we don't want to pay the cover. guys love her, she's just naturally pretty and she doesn't show it off or anything, so he told her she's too pretty to pay cover, and we got in. the whole bar was weird - it was just trashy. a lot of young people and i think people were funnelling beer off the bars at one point. there were a lot of guys and my friend and i felt like every guy was staring at us. the area that the party we were joining was at the back of the bar and had a black light, so i was really paranoid about how i looked and my black shirt had a lot of lint on it, so i wasn't very comfortable. two guys starting talking to us. there's a term here called "bridge & tunnel," which refers to people who go out in manhattan and get here via a bridge or tunnel - ie. new jersey, staten island, long island. it's kind of rude, and of course a generalization, but the crowd at the bar was very bridge & tunnel. there were girls there with long acrylic nails and you could tell they were trying to be trendy, but they weren't pulling it off and the guys were also trying the same thing. so one bridge & tunnel guy i talked to was annoying me cause he was trying too hard and was putting his arm around me and stuff and i didn't even know who he was. he also had me guess what he does for work. i hate having to guess. i guessed that he works in finance cause most guys in the city do. he said he used to work in finance and he could if he wanted to, but now he's unemployed and collecting unemployment checks. he had started annoying me before we got into this conversation, so when he started talking about collecting unemployment, i quipped "and your proud of that?" he laughed it off and said he wasn't really (unemployed) and then the conversation kind of fizzled away. after my friend and i were finished with our drinks and we had disappointed the break dancing guy by telling him we didn't want to dance, we were ready to leave. so we made our way through the crowd of, by that time, mostly 21 year old girls wearing tank tops and dancing around, and found a cab outside.
we told the cabbie, "bowery and spring" and made our way downtown. my friend and i had been to the next bar together before and it was pretty good. we have opposite tastes in guys, so we thought this place might be a good compromise for us. we thought the bathroom at the last place would be gross, so we waited till we got to the next bar and made our first stop there at coat check and the bathroom downstairs. after that trip, my friend and i made it back upstairs and before we could take a step towards the bar for a drink, two guys stopped to talk to us. we found out later that they had just done sake bombs. if you don't know what that it is, it means they were trashed cause sake bombs are deadly strong drinks - i say that from experience. so one of the guys told us that he works in advertising. i got excited, cause i do too, so i asked him "where?" he said "downtown." i said "at what company?" he said "wpp group." i said "what?" he said "wpp group." i said "that's not an ad agency, that's the holding group for a bunch of ad agencies." i repeated that a couple times and then he admitted that he doesn't really, that he works in finance. i asked him why guys lie about where they work and he didn't really have an answer and went off to dance with a girl.
so then we were left with his friend, who was really cute. he said he went to harvard - i don't know if that's true, but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt. i don't think he knew what to do with my friend and i standing there, so he offered us a drink, which we took - two stoli and sprites. we continued talking, but he kept checking his phone and my friend saw a girl come up to him and pinch his butt, whatever.. he asked how old we were and then later said he graduated college in 2006. 2006? wasn't that last year? i've never met anyone at a bar in new york who graduated college after me. i'm getting old. so we sipped our drinks and eventually the guy went off to answer his phone or something. we took that as our opportunity to scope the rest of the bar, so we walked towards the door. we kept having to move where we were standing because we were surrounded by nyu couples making out. the harvard kid met up with us again. he said a few things and then mid-sentence walked off unannounced to go back to his phone. weird. we got our coats and walked around the block to the next bar.
there weren't many people at that bar, but we walked in. we kept our coats on while we assessed the situation. my friend looked around and asked me if it was gay night. i looked around and noticed that there were a lot of guys standing around, hmmm. well, it wasn't gay night and we made the straight guy's night by walking in. before we had a chance to take off our coat a guy came up to us and told us he had a question for us. i wasn't really in the mood for this and hesitated in responding. he assured us not to worry because he's married - "see, look at my ring." ok. then he told us that his friends think we're cute and want to talk to us. i've heard this before and i don't like it. if the guys are too shy to come up and talk to us and they need a "harmless" married guy to break the ice for them, then it's already points off for them - and i told the married guy that. he said his friends wanted us to go over and talk to them. we told him they need to come to us. they have to put some effort into this. while this is going on, some guy who was standing near the bar alone was listening to our conversation and started sympathizing for us by going on about how it must be annoying for us that guys are talking to us before we take off our coats. he's going on about this, meanwhile, we still hadn't taken off our coats, so he was also annoying us the same way the married guy was. it got weirder when one of the married guy's friends came over to talk to us, while the dorky guy continued to talk to us. the married guy's friend was painfully shy. i tried asking him questions and getting the conversation going, but it wasn't going anywhere and the dorky guy stepped it up when he bought my friend and i a drink. the shy guy eventually walked off and my friend and i were stuck talking to the dorky guy. now, guys probably know this, but maybe not - when a girl is bored with a guy she is talking to at a bar, she starts making up lies about herself to keep things interesting, especially when her friend is joining in the conversation. i think every girl has a name she introduces herself with as a sign to her friend that she's not interested in the guy. my "name" is amanda and my friend's name was tiffany. my friend was cracking me up telling him she wants to move to europe and become a nurse and that she is in nursing classes now. it's not a far-fetched story for someone and the guy was interested, but i knew it was totally untrue. we were so bored by this guy and he didn't get the point. at one point, a guy walked by me and bumped into my arm. the dorky guy almost started a fight with the guy over that. i told him it's ok. last thing we needed was for the dorky guy to get in a fight with the cute guy who bumped into me. so my friend and i continued our ridiculous conversation with the dorky guy. at one point when he turned around to order another drink, i commented to my friend that i think the other guys were looking at us and realized that we didn't want to be talking to this guy. "can't any of them save us?" she asked.
not too long after, we did get saved. strategically, 2 guys came over to us. i had pulled out my phone to text message "emily" to see if she was coming to the bar, which really meant texting the friend i was with as some kind of diversion to the dorky guy talking to us, which ended up working. the guy who came over to me told me i must be bored if i'm texting in a bar. i didn't want to be too obvious to him about what i was doing, but he knew. he said he was standing to the right side of me so i would have to turn my back to the dorky guy. i know, it's mean, but the dorky guy's friends had met him at the bar by that point, so he wasn't left alone. it got a little weird after that with the guy who saved me. we talked for a little. he lives 2 1/2 blocks away from me, so he asked if i wanted to meet for brunch on sunday at a neighborhood diner. i was up for it, even though i didn't completely believe it would happen, but i gave him my number. shortly after that he said he had to go back over to his friends. then he came back again and explained that he can't really talk to me because his friend was trying to set him up with a girl who was with his group. he said he wasn't interested in her, but he didn't want to be rude, so he couldn't really talk to me. ok, whatever. so i joined my friend who was talking to the guy who had come over to save her. he told us a story about how he cleans his niece's butt after she goes to the bathroom. he admitted he didn't know why he was telling us that and my friend and i today didn't remember how we ever got on that subject. shortly after that story, he said he had to get back to his friends, but he took my friend's number and said it's his birthday in a few weeks and he'll invite us to his party. after he left, we got out of there. i didn't even look around - just pointed my eyes towards the door. my friend and i ran out to get in our separate cabs and talked to each other on our phones on our rides home - "what was up with that night? it was the weirdest night ever." it was definitely a weird night. but my friend and i had a lot to laugh about the next day.
we told the cabbie, "bowery and spring" and made our way downtown. my friend and i had been to the next bar together before and it was pretty good. we have opposite tastes in guys, so we thought this place might be a good compromise for us. we thought the bathroom at the last place would be gross, so we waited till we got to the next bar and made our first stop there at coat check and the bathroom downstairs. after that trip, my friend and i made it back upstairs and before we could take a step towards the bar for a drink, two guys stopped to talk to us. we found out later that they had just done sake bombs. if you don't know what that it is, it means they were trashed cause sake bombs are deadly strong drinks - i say that from experience. so one of the guys told us that he works in advertising. i got excited, cause i do too, so i asked him "where?" he said "downtown." i said "at what company?" he said "wpp group." i said "what?" he said "wpp group." i said "that's not an ad agency, that's the holding group for a bunch of ad agencies." i repeated that a couple times and then he admitted that he doesn't really, that he works in finance. i asked him why guys lie about where they work and he didn't really have an answer and went off to dance with a girl.
so then we were left with his friend, who was really cute. he said he went to harvard - i don't know if that's true, but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt. i don't think he knew what to do with my friend and i standing there, so he offered us a drink, which we took - two stoli and sprites. we continued talking, but he kept checking his phone and my friend saw a girl come up to him and pinch his butt, whatever.. he asked how old we were and then later said he graduated college in 2006. 2006? wasn't that last year? i've never met anyone at a bar in new york who graduated college after me. i'm getting old. so we sipped our drinks and eventually the guy went off to answer his phone or something. we took that as our opportunity to scope the rest of the bar, so we walked towards the door. we kept having to move where we were standing because we were surrounded by nyu couples making out. the harvard kid met up with us again. he said a few things and then mid-sentence walked off unannounced to go back to his phone. weird. we got our coats and walked around the block to the next bar.
there weren't many people at that bar, but we walked in. we kept our coats on while we assessed the situation. my friend looked around and asked me if it was gay night. i looked around and noticed that there were a lot of guys standing around, hmmm. well, it wasn't gay night and we made the straight guy's night by walking in. before we had a chance to take off our coat a guy came up to us and told us he had a question for us. i wasn't really in the mood for this and hesitated in responding. he assured us not to worry because he's married - "see, look at my ring." ok. then he told us that his friends think we're cute and want to talk to us. i've heard this before and i don't like it. if the guys are too shy to come up and talk to us and they need a "harmless" married guy to break the ice for them, then it's already points off for them - and i told the married guy that. he said his friends wanted us to go over and talk to them. we told him they need to come to us. they have to put some effort into this. while this is going on, some guy who was standing near the bar alone was listening to our conversation and started sympathizing for us by going on about how it must be annoying for us that guys are talking to us before we take off our coats. he's going on about this, meanwhile, we still hadn't taken off our coats, so he was also annoying us the same way the married guy was. it got weirder when one of the married guy's friends came over to talk to us, while the dorky guy continued to talk to us. the married guy's friend was painfully shy. i tried asking him questions and getting the conversation going, but it wasn't going anywhere and the dorky guy stepped it up when he bought my friend and i a drink. the shy guy eventually walked off and my friend and i were stuck talking to the dorky guy. now, guys probably know this, but maybe not - when a girl is bored with a guy she is talking to at a bar, she starts making up lies about herself to keep things interesting, especially when her friend is joining in the conversation. i think every girl has a name she introduces herself with as a sign to her friend that she's not interested in the guy. my "name" is amanda and my friend's name was tiffany. my friend was cracking me up telling him she wants to move to europe and become a nurse and that she is in nursing classes now. it's not a far-fetched story for someone and the guy was interested, but i knew it was totally untrue. we were so bored by this guy and he didn't get the point. at one point, a guy walked by me and bumped into my arm. the dorky guy almost started a fight with the guy over that. i told him it's ok. last thing we needed was for the dorky guy to get in a fight with the cute guy who bumped into me. so my friend and i continued our ridiculous conversation with the dorky guy. at one point when he turned around to order another drink, i commented to my friend that i think the other guys were looking at us and realized that we didn't want to be talking to this guy. "can't any of them save us?" she asked.
not too long after, we did get saved. strategically, 2 guys came over to us. i had pulled out my phone to text message "emily" to see if she was coming to the bar, which really meant texting the friend i was with as some kind of diversion to the dorky guy talking to us, which ended up working. the guy who came over to me told me i must be bored if i'm texting in a bar. i didn't want to be too obvious to him about what i was doing, but he knew. he said he was standing to the right side of me so i would have to turn my back to the dorky guy. i know, it's mean, but the dorky guy's friends had met him at the bar by that point, so he wasn't left alone. it got a little weird after that with the guy who saved me. we talked for a little. he lives 2 1/2 blocks away from me, so he asked if i wanted to meet for brunch on sunday at a neighborhood diner. i was up for it, even though i didn't completely believe it would happen, but i gave him my number. shortly after that he said he had to go back over to his friends. then he came back again and explained that he can't really talk to me because his friend was trying to set him up with a girl who was with his group. he said he wasn't interested in her, but he didn't want to be rude, so he couldn't really talk to me. ok, whatever. so i joined my friend who was talking to the guy who had come over to save her. he told us a story about how he cleans his niece's butt after she goes to the bathroom. he admitted he didn't know why he was telling us that and my friend and i today didn't remember how we ever got on that subject. shortly after that story, he said he had to get back to his friends, but he took my friend's number and said it's his birthday in a few weeks and he'll invite us to his party. after he left, we got out of there. i didn't even look around - just pointed my eyes towards the door. my friend and i ran out to get in our separate cabs and talked to each other on our phones on our rides home - "what was up with that night? it was the weirdest night ever." it was definitely a weird night. but my friend and i had a lot to laugh about the next day.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
i have a fear
i have a fear. i didn't really realize it is a fear until today when i was watching oprah. i wasn't going to watch today's episode because it wasn't really about anything relevant to me, but i couldn't find anything else on tv, so i kept it on oprah. i know i have always thought about what she was talking about, but i don't think i was ever conscious of how much it actually affects me. but then her guest said a statistic that made me realize how much i pay attention to it. her guest said, "over 60% of americans are overweight." and that's when i realized that i have a fear of being fat.
60%, more than half, of americans - overweight. that is crazy. weight and obesity and anorexia are a part of society. every day it seems like there is an article in the news about it. and i always hear people i know talking about being on a diet or wanting to lose weight. it's hard to not think about weight. it's just a part of life in this country. and i think it's affected me more than i thought.
i am not overweight and i never have been, if anything i've probably always been a little underweight. and i'm not anorexic - i eat, just not a lot. i think weight has a lot to do with heredity. my mom's in pretty good shape for her age. and i share clothes with my younger sister, so we're both about the same. my grandmother was always pretty thin and had a major sweet tooth, which is what i have, so i think i take after her.
growing up, i remember that my mom always bought the low fat version of snacks - low fat cookies, low fat peanut butter, etc. and she cooked most nights, so we rarely went out to eat. we would occassionaly get pizza, but never got fast food from kfc, burger king, mcdonald's, etc. also growing up, i always participated in sports. i am not an athlete and hate running. i played sports because it was just the thing to do. so i guess i had a healthy start.
in college, i was constrained to the food of the dining hall, which i didn't like. i was also in a bad relationship for a year and i'm the type of person who can't eat when i'm nervous or upset, so between the bad relationship and the bad dining hall food, i didn't eat too much. i was also stressed out a lot, so i would burn off my energy in the gym. and i didn't gain the freshman 15, which i think is mostly attributed to drinking beer and eating pizza late at night, which i didn't do much of.
and now that i am living on my own and getting older (my birthday is in a couple months - yikes!), i'm paying more attention to my weight. i'm kind of obsessed with eating healthy. if i eat too much or eat fast food, which i haven't done for years, i feel sick. i usually eat 6 small meals a day and i like having a big lunch and a small dinner like they do in europe. i also live by myself and don't really have a kitchen, so i have little motivation to cook. i don't eat enough vegetables or fruit and i'm really picky about meat, so i don't get enough protein, so i try to take a multivitamin every day. for snacks i eat nuts or yogurt or some pieces of chocolate. for lunch and dinner i usually have soup, a turkey or tomato/mozzarella sandwich, sushi rolls, a salad, or sometimes pasta or rice with some vegetables. i drink water all day and usually only drink soda with vodka when i'm out at night. i like soy milk with my cereal every morning and i eat a lot of hummus or oilive oil with bread instead of butter.
there are certain foods that i try to stay away from. when i go grocery shopping, i'm always tempted by the bags of chips or boxes of cookies, but i don't buy them. when i was younger i realized that mayo is bad for you, so i decided that i didn't like it anymore and stopped eating it. i also don't want to eat french fries or pizza often. i don't want myself to get used to eating those things because if i do, then i might gain weight.
i don't really exercise. i've joined a gym the past couple years, but i ended up only going for a month. i hate running - i think it's boring and i don't have the mental motivation for it. and it would take a long time for me to see any difference on my body from running. so for the past 5 months, i've been doing another workout that's for toning and slimming the body called the bar method (i recommend it). it's the first time in my life that i've worked out on my own consistently, and it's really been working and i see a difference, so now i'm obsessed and haven't gone without working out 3 days a week since i started. and for the past 2 1/2 years, i've been living in a city where walking is my main form of transportation. last year i even lived on the 4th floor of a building (with no elevator), so i climbed up and down those stairs many times a day. i like that i have to walk everywhere because it forces me to move and walk at least a mile everyday, which i wouldn't be doing if i drove in a car everywhere. i get scared that if i move out of this city and drive all the time, then i'll gain weight.
i really don't like admitting all of this. i'm not nicole richie or kate bosworth or any of those girls who are bones and have obviously lost a dramatic amount of weight. i've always been naturally thin, but i'm more conscious of it now. and without realizing it, i probably am affected by all of the media that focuses so much on weight - whether it be in the morning news or in the gossip magazines. i'm not trying to be thin like celebrities. i just want to be healthy and look good. and i know that i'm getting older and that my metabolism is going to slow down and that it's going to be harder to maintain my weight. i think that's what scares me the most. that i'm going to lose control of my body's natural progression of getting older. i don't want to gain weight. i don't want to go up a pant size. i want to be proud of my body. i don't want to join the 60% of americans who are overweight. and that's my fear. of being fat.
60%, more than half, of americans - overweight. that is crazy. weight and obesity and anorexia are a part of society. every day it seems like there is an article in the news about it. and i always hear people i know talking about being on a diet or wanting to lose weight. it's hard to not think about weight. it's just a part of life in this country. and i think it's affected me more than i thought.
i am not overweight and i never have been, if anything i've probably always been a little underweight. and i'm not anorexic - i eat, just not a lot. i think weight has a lot to do with heredity. my mom's in pretty good shape for her age. and i share clothes with my younger sister, so we're both about the same. my grandmother was always pretty thin and had a major sweet tooth, which is what i have, so i think i take after her.
growing up, i remember that my mom always bought the low fat version of snacks - low fat cookies, low fat peanut butter, etc. and she cooked most nights, so we rarely went out to eat. we would occassionaly get pizza, but never got fast food from kfc, burger king, mcdonald's, etc. also growing up, i always participated in sports. i am not an athlete and hate running. i played sports because it was just the thing to do. so i guess i had a healthy start.
in college, i was constrained to the food of the dining hall, which i didn't like. i was also in a bad relationship for a year and i'm the type of person who can't eat when i'm nervous or upset, so between the bad relationship and the bad dining hall food, i didn't eat too much. i was also stressed out a lot, so i would burn off my energy in the gym. and i didn't gain the freshman 15, which i think is mostly attributed to drinking beer and eating pizza late at night, which i didn't do much of.
and now that i am living on my own and getting older (my birthday is in a couple months - yikes!), i'm paying more attention to my weight. i'm kind of obsessed with eating healthy. if i eat too much or eat fast food, which i haven't done for years, i feel sick. i usually eat 6 small meals a day and i like having a big lunch and a small dinner like they do in europe. i also live by myself and don't really have a kitchen, so i have little motivation to cook. i don't eat enough vegetables or fruit and i'm really picky about meat, so i don't get enough protein, so i try to take a multivitamin every day. for snacks i eat nuts or yogurt or some pieces of chocolate. for lunch and dinner i usually have soup, a turkey or tomato/mozzarella sandwich, sushi rolls, a salad, or sometimes pasta or rice with some vegetables. i drink water all day and usually only drink soda with vodka when i'm out at night. i like soy milk with my cereal every morning and i eat a lot of hummus or oilive oil with bread instead of butter.
there are certain foods that i try to stay away from. when i go grocery shopping, i'm always tempted by the bags of chips or boxes of cookies, but i don't buy them. when i was younger i realized that mayo is bad for you, so i decided that i didn't like it anymore and stopped eating it. i also don't want to eat french fries or pizza often. i don't want myself to get used to eating those things because if i do, then i might gain weight.
i don't really exercise. i've joined a gym the past couple years, but i ended up only going for a month. i hate running - i think it's boring and i don't have the mental motivation for it. and it would take a long time for me to see any difference on my body from running. so for the past 5 months, i've been doing another workout that's for toning and slimming the body called the bar method (i recommend it). it's the first time in my life that i've worked out on my own consistently, and it's really been working and i see a difference, so now i'm obsessed and haven't gone without working out 3 days a week since i started. and for the past 2 1/2 years, i've been living in a city where walking is my main form of transportation. last year i even lived on the 4th floor of a building (with no elevator), so i climbed up and down those stairs many times a day. i like that i have to walk everywhere because it forces me to move and walk at least a mile everyday, which i wouldn't be doing if i drove in a car everywhere. i get scared that if i move out of this city and drive all the time, then i'll gain weight.
i really don't like admitting all of this. i'm not nicole richie or kate bosworth or any of those girls who are bones and have obviously lost a dramatic amount of weight. i've always been naturally thin, but i'm more conscious of it now. and without realizing it, i probably am affected by all of the media that focuses so much on weight - whether it be in the morning news or in the gossip magazines. i'm not trying to be thin like celebrities. i just want to be healthy and look good. and i know that i'm getting older and that my metabolism is going to slow down and that it's going to be harder to maintain my weight. i think that's what scares me the most. that i'm going to lose control of my body's natural progression of getting older. i don't want to gain weight. i don't want to go up a pant size. i want to be proud of my body. i don't want to join the 60% of americans who are overweight. and that's my fear. of being fat.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
i'm a sucker for..
i'm taking this from meg, who took this from other people.
i'm a sucker for:
*my mom, my dad, my sister
*chocolate - chocolate cake, chocolate cupcakes, chocolate frosting, brownies, hot chocolate, chocolate covered strawberries
*peppermint - peppermint altoids, peppermint chapstick, york peppermint patties, peppermint stick ice cream
*make-out sessions on the couch, in bed, and sometimes on the street, in bars, in cabs
*laughing and smiling, hearing other people laugh, seeing other people smile
*people who say thank you
*the colors navy blue and dark purple
*blue eyes and dark hair
*guys with accents
*guys who are 6' tall
*guys from massachusetts who live in new york
*ben harper, damien rice, joshua radin
*matt damon, ron livingston, ricky gervais, claire danes, audrey hepburn
*black and white photography
*song lyrics
*clothes!
*compliments on my haircut or what i'm wearing
*laying in the sun on the beach, sitting in the park in the spring
*stars
*a good book
*stories about my grandparents
*reality tv
*gossip - about celebrites, co-workers, etc.
*fresh air
*buying gifts for people
*happy hour - any day of the week
*my bed
*fresh h&h bagels with cream cheese
*thursday night tv - the office and grey's anatomy
*sex and the city reruns
*baked mac & cheese, especially my mom's
*staying up late and sleeping in
i'm a sucker for:
*my mom, my dad, my sister
*chocolate - chocolate cake, chocolate cupcakes, chocolate frosting, brownies, hot chocolate, chocolate covered strawberries
*peppermint - peppermint altoids, peppermint chapstick, york peppermint patties, peppermint stick ice cream
*make-out sessions on the couch, in bed, and sometimes on the street, in bars, in cabs
*laughing and smiling, hearing other people laugh, seeing other people smile
*people who say thank you
*the colors navy blue and dark purple
*blue eyes and dark hair
*guys with accents
*guys who are 6' tall
*guys from massachusetts who live in new york
*ben harper, damien rice, joshua radin
*matt damon, ron livingston, ricky gervais, claire danes, audrey hepburn
*black and white photography
*song lyrics
*clothes!
*compliments on my haircut or what i'm wearing
*laying in the sun on the beach, sitting in the park in the spring
*stars
*a good book
*stories about my grandparents
*reality tv
*gossip - about celebrites, co-workers, etc.
*fresh air
*buying gifts for people
*happy hour - any day of the week
*my bed
*fresh h&h bagels with cream cheese
*thursday night tv - the office and grey's anatomy
*sex and the city reruns
*baked mac & cheese, especially my mom's
*staying up late and sleeping in
Friday, February 16, 2007
a thursday night to remember
so i went out last night with some of my friends, who i worked with at my old job. they are crazy and i've never met anyone like them, but they are a lot of fun and make me laugh. one of them started djing at bars a few months ago. he's always inviting me out to see him play, but it's usually on a tuesday or wednesday and i'm not motivated to go out early in the week. but last night was thursday and he was djing at a bar in the lower east side that i had been to once before and really liked. he said he was djing at an art event - art on display, free jello shots, and food. it sounded really cool, so i contacted my friends who i used to work with along with the guy djing and i had plans for the night.
after work, i went over to meet up with my friends at my old company. it was a little weird being there, but it was nice seeing people i used to work with because they were like a second family to me when i was there. so i chatted it up with my old co-workers about my new job, where i'm living now, etc. and then went back to my friend's cube. “mark” had the music playing loud and was drinking some colt 45 out of a red solo cup. he opened up his desk drawer, pulled out some margarita mix and tequila and made me a margarita - he even included a little paper umbrella with my drink. next to his cube, was “sam” and “brandon” putting together some presentation materials for a meeting the next day. so in one cube, there were people actually working, and in the next cube was mark and “heather” singing to music and drinking colt 45 and me drinking a margarita. around 8pm, when we had a nice buzz going, we went outside to get a cab.
whenever you really want a cab, like when it's freezing cold outside or raining, it is impossible to find an open one. while we were watching the occupied cabs drive down broadway, a homeless guy walked up to us and told mark that he was a lucky guy because he was the only guy standing with 3 of us girls. the homeless guy gave each of us girls a flower, which was very nice, and then asked mark for some money for the flowers. i think the guy thought my friend was a pimp and had the money to spend on flowers. (and don't get any ideas - us girls were completely clothed and covered up under heavy coats and scarves. i guess one guy with three girls leads homeless guys to assume.) my friend isn't a pimp and didn't want to spend money on the flowers, so we returned them to the guy and he walked away. after walking over to a busier avenue, we finally found a cab.
$12 later we finally arrived at our destination. after some confusion at the door about which party we were going to, we found our way to the basement where our friend was djing. first thing i noticed was that there was barely anyone there. second thing i noticed was that the people who were there were "downtown," not hipster downtown, but "downtown" downtown. you only find these people in new york - guys with long hair, skinny jeans and maybe some eyeliner. luckily i was wearing one of my hipster outfits, so i didn't stick out too much, but i still felt like i was in a different world. the art event was also not an art event. they had some posters of paintings pinned to the wall and some bags of pretzels on a table, but the event was really a bunch of hard rock bands playing a couple songs on stage and my friend was djing a few songs between sets. i didn’t like the bands – the music was really loud and i felt like they were screaming and not singing. my friend’s a good dj, so it was nice when it was his turn to play, but he didn’t get much time at the dj booth. the drinks were strong – in the course of the night i think i had 3 raspberry stoli and sprites and one blueberry stoli and sprite. i’m not sure what my friends were drinking – i think jack and cokes and gin and tonics. i also think they might have been doing more than just drinking because the events that took place next were very unexpected.
one of the girls i was with is a lesbian. she started working at my old company after i left so i didn’t really know her. she started talking about her friends who say they’re gay, but they’re really bi. i asked her if she’s bi and she said she’s not and that she stopped hooking up with guys a couple years ago. well about 20 minutes later i looked up and she was making out with the guy dj we were there to see. and then seconds later the dj was making out with heather. i don’t have a problem with people making out in bars; i was just shocked to see my old co-workers making out with each other. on top of that, i was caught off-guard because heather has a boyfriend. they’ve been together forever and live together. she was already in trouble with her boyfriend for not going home after work, let alone if he knew what she was out doing. ugh, she knows it was wrong, but it happened.
then i hear another story from mark. it’s been rumored that he has been hooking up with “renee,” someone else from work. he’s 25 and she’s 38. he has 3 girls that he regularly dates. he’s been dating them for years and they know there are other girls. he has one girl who is the main girl and the closest to a girlfriend, but they’re not exclusive. and renee has had a boyfriend since college who she lives with. so, people have been noticing that mark and renee have been hanging out with each other a lot at work and have been mysteriously disappearing together. everyone knows something has been going on, but no one knew what exactly. well, now i know what’s been happening because mark told me him and renee have been hooking up, meaning something between sleeping together and making out. that’s really weird to hear, especially since renee used to be my boss and i’ve met her boyfriend before.
so after seeing and hearing about the intermingling of my old co-workers, the night went on. we hung out for a little bit in the upstairs of the bar, which was packed. then after the dj was done, he brought us to a bar uptown where his friend’s band was playing. the place was cool and not too crowded. my mind was in a blur after too much vodka at that point. i remember seeing a girl straddling a guy and making out on a couch near us and the girl singing on stage had blonde hair and was wearing ripped tights, a plaid skirt, and a black shirt. that’s about all that happened at that bar. i didn’t drink there and needed to go home at that point because i had to get up for work the next day. so heather and i left together. i walked her to the subway, gave her a hug and then found a cab to take me home at 1:30am.
yup, it was a weird night and my friend’s are crazy, but it’s life in new york and i love my friends. they’re a lot of fun, they don’t judge, and they’ve given me plenty of nights to remember.
after work, i went over to meet up with my friends at my old company. it was a little weird being there, but it was nice seeing people i used to work with because they were like a second family to me when i was there. so i chatted it up with my old co-workers about my new job, where i'm living now, etc. and then went back to my friend's cube. “mark” had the music playing loud and was drinking some colt 45 out of a red solo cup. he opened up his desk drawer, pulled out some margarita mix and tequila and made me a margarita - he even included a little paper umbrella with my drink. next to his cube, was “sam” and “brandon” putting together some presentation materials for a meeting the next day. so in one cube, there were people actually working, and in the next cube was mark and “heather” singing to music and drinking colt 45 and me drinking a margarita. around 8pm, when we had a nice buzz going, we went outside to get a cab.
whenever you really want a cab, like when it's freezing cold outside or raining, it is impossible to find an open one. while we were watching the occupied cabs drive down broadway, a homeless guy walked up to us and told mark that he was a lucky guy because he was the only guy standing with 3 of us girls. the homeless guy gave each of us girls a flower, which was very nice, and then asked mark for some money for the flowers. i think the guy thought my friend was a pimp and had the money to spend on flowers. (and don't get any ideas - us girls were completely clothed and covered up under heavy coats and scarves. i guess one guy with three girls leads homeless guys to assume.) my friend isn't a pimp and didn't want to spend money on the flowers, so we returned them to the guy and he walked away. after walking over to a busier avenue, we finally found a cab.
$12 later we finally arrived at our destination. after some confusion at the door about which party we were going to, we found our way to the basement where our friend was djing. first thing i noticed was that there was barely anyone there. second thing i noticed was that the people who were there were "downtown," not hipster downtown, but "downtown" downtown. you only find these people in new york - guys with long hair, skinny jeans and maybe some eyeliner. luckily i was wearing one of my hipster outfits, so i didn't stick out too much, but i still felt like i was in a different world. the art event was also not an art event. they had some posters of paintings pinned to the wall and some bags of pretzels on a table, but the event was really a bunch of hard rock bands playing a couple songs on stage and my friend was djing a few songs between sets. i didn’t like the bands – the music was really loud and i felt like they were screaming and not singing. my friend’s a good dj, so it was nice when it was his turn to play, but he didn’t get much time at the dj booth. the drinks were strong – in the course of the night i think i had 3 raspberry stoli and sprites and one blueberry stoli and sprite. i’m not sure what my friends were drinking – i think jack and cokes and gin and tonics. i also think they might have been doing more than just drinking because the events that took place next were very unexpected.
one of the girls i was with is a lesbian. she started working at my old company after i left so i didn’t really know her. she started talking about her friends who say they’re gay, but they’re really bi. i asked her if she’s bi and she said she’s not and that she stopped hooking up with guys a couple years ago. well about 20 minutes later i looked up and she was making out with the guy dj we were there to see. and then seconds later the dj was making out with heather. i don’t have a problem with people making out in bars; i was just shocked to see my old co-workers making out with each other. on top of that, i was caught off-guard because heather has a boyfriend. they’ve been together forever and live together. she was already in trouble with her boyfriend for not going home after work, let alone if he knew what she was out doing. ugh, she knows it was wrong, but it happened.
then i hear another story from mark. it’s been rumored that he has been hooking up with “renee,” someone else from work. he’s 25 and she’s 38. he has 3 girls that he regularly dates. he’s been dating them for years and they know there are other girls. he has one girl who is the main girl and the closest to a girlfriend, but they’re not exclusive. and renee has had a boyfriend since college who she lives with. so, people have been noticing that mark and renee have been hanging out with each other a lot at work and have been mysteriously disappearing together. everyone knows something has been going on, but no one knew what exactly. well, now i know what’s been happening because mark told me him and renee have been hooking up, meaning something between sleeping together and making out. that’s really weird to hear, especially since renee used to be my boss and i’ve met her boyfriend before.
so after seeing and hearing about the intermingling of my old co-workers, the night went on. we hung out for a little bit in the upstairs of the bar, which was packed. then after the dj was done, he brought us to a bar uptown where his friend’s band was playing. the place was cool and not too crowded. my mind was in a blur after too much vodka at that point. i remember seeing a girl straddling a guy and making out on a couch near us and the girl singing on stage had blonde hair and was wearing ripped tights, a plaid skirt, and a black shirt. that’s about all that happened at that bar. i didn’t drink there and needed to go home at that point because i had to get up for work the next day. so heather and i left together. i walked her to the subway, gave her a hug and then found a cab to take me home at 1:30am.
yup, it was a weird night and my friend’s are crazy, but it’s life in new york and i love my friends. they’re a lot of fun, they don’t judge, and they’ve given me plenty of nights to remember.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
it's 11:11
my stomach is slightly sick after eating too many valentine's day dark chocolate m&m's that i got in the mail from my parents today.
i like this video, song, artist:
i have the housewives of orange county on tv, but the volume is on mute. i'll watch it this weekend when they replay it.
i hear the humming of my neighbor's tv through the wall.
i read the new issue of rolling stone today. one of the perks of my job is that i get magazines for free. rolling stone is my newest favorite magazine. i also love people magazine.
i just bought bloc party's new album off of itunes and i'm listening to the first track now.
for the third night in a row, i watched an episode of full frontal fashion tonight. today i watched the j. mendel and tommy hillfiger fashion shows. yesterday i watched the anna sui, betsey johnson, nicole miller, and rag & bone fashion shows. i don't know what it is about fashion shows, but i could (and have) watched them on tv for hours.
it's snowing outside. it's supposed to snow all night and all day tomorrow. i wonder how much we'll get.
i bought tickets to see joe purdy play live for $10 in march. i'm glad i've started going to live shows again.
i'm tired and should go to bed, but i'm going to watch last night's episode of the hills now on mtv.com
that is all.
i like this video, song, artist:
i have the housewives of orange county on tv, but the volume is on mute. i'll watch it this weekend when they replay it.
i hear the humming of my neighbor's tv through the wall.
i read the new issue of rolling stone today. one of the perks of my job is that i get magazines for free. rolling stone is my newest favorite magazine. i also love people magazine.
i just bought bloc party's new album off of itunes and i'm listening to the first track now.
for the third night in a row, i watched an episode of full frontal fashion tonight. today i watched the j. mendel and tommy hillfiger fashion shows. yesterday i watched the anna sui, betsey johnson, nicole miller, and rag & bone fashion shows. i don't know what it is about fashion shows, but i could (and have) watched them on tv for hours.
it's snowing outside. it's supposed to snow all night and all day tomorrow. i wonder how much we'll get.
i bought tickets to see joe purdy play live for $10 in march. i'm glad i've started going to live shows again.
i'm tired and should go to bed, but i'm going to watch last night's episode of the hills now on mtv.com
that is all.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
music & memories
i'm watching the grammy's so i think it's only appropriate to write about music. i love music. i love anyone who is passionate about music - whether it's listening to it or making it. i like listening to meaningful lyrics, and finding out what they mean to me and to the artist who wrote them. i like the sound of an acoustic guitar and the piano. i'm a bit of a music snob - i don't listen to the radio. most of the music i listen to is from independent artists who aren't yet "mainstream" and probably never will be. i like finding new artists, searching in music stores (although i've been spending more of my time on itunes lately), and going to live shows. one of the things i like most about music is how they become memories of life. when i hear a certain artist, song, or album, i'm instantly reminded of a person, event, or time in my life when that music was significant to me. there are so many artists, songs, and albums that remind me of something meaningful in my life. here are a few examples:
- most songs by aerosmith and the rolling stones remind me of my dad. i remember whenever i was in his car growing up, he would have the classic rock station playing on the radio, which played a lot of songs by those bands.
- "addicted to love" by robert palmer for some reason reminds me of my mom. i remember her saying she liked the song when it came on the radio back in the 80's. i always thought he was singing "a tic tic to love" and i never understood what that was supposed to mean.
- "i just called to say i love you" by stevie wonder reminds me of my grandmother. whenever it would come on the radio, she would call me, and put the phone up to the radio so i could hear it. it's one of my favorite memories of her.
- the albums, "freak show" by silverchair, "smash" by offspring, "dookie" by green day, "sixteen stone" by bush, "the blue album" and "pinkerton" by weezer, and "mtv unplugged" by nirvana bring be back to middle school. those were the first cds i owned and i listened to them constantly.
- "august and everything after" by the counting crows reminds me of high school. i loved the lyrics on that cd - i still do, it's one of my favorite cds of all time.
- anything by ani difranco reminds me of a friend from high school. we were both into music. i forget which one of us found ani first, but we listened to her a lot when we were driving around town together.
- the album "no need to argue" from the cranberries reminds me of high school. i think i listened to this cd when my first boyfried broke up with me. it's a good cd to listen to when you need to let out some tears.
- speaking of my first boyfriend, he was obsessed with led zeppelin, so "stairway to heaven" reminds me of him.
- anything by bob marley reminds me of my second boyfriend in high school. he listened to bob marley all the time. when i broke up with him, he emailed me an mp3 to "redemption song," which i guess was his way of trying to get back with me.
- the song "talk show host" by radiohead reminds me of high school. i would sing along to this song in my room and i thought i was such a rebel because i would sing along to the part of the song that had a swear in it.
- "paper bag" by fiona apple reminds me of my sister when i was a senior in high school. i drove her to school in the morning and there was a time when we would blare this song on the radio and sing it outloud every morning on our way to school.
- the albums "bang bang" by dispatch, "parachute" and "goldfly" from guster and "white ladder" by david gray remind me of senior year in high school/freshman year in college. i listened to these endlessly and saw guster and dispatch play live a number of times.
- so many songs by ben harper are significant to me. in college, i dated a guy who was obsessed with ben harper as much as i am and we were both so excited. he wanted "not fire, not ice" to be played at his wedding. i wanted "beloved one" to be played at mine. the album, "diamonds on the inside" came out when we were together and we bonded over the song "amen omen."
- a lot of songs by the doors remind me of a guy i dated in college. "touch me" reminds me of him most - that was "our" song..
- "get busy" by sean paul reminds me of a brazilian kid who made pizza at the restaurant i waitressed at in college. one day this song was on the radio and he was singing along to the part of the chorus that says "sexy lady." i laughed because i would always try talking to him, but he never understood me because he barely spoke english, yet he knew those words.
i could go on for pages writing about songs that remind me of people and moments in my life..maybe more another time.
- most songs by aerosmith and the rolling stones remind me of my dad. i remember whenever i was in his car growing up, he would have the classic rock station playing on the radio, which played a lot of songs by those bands.
- "addicted to love" by robert palmer for some reason reminds me of my mom. i remember her saying she liked the song when it came on the radio back in the 80's. i always thought he was singing "a tic tic to love" and i never understood what that was supposed to mean.
- "i just called to say i love you" by stevie wonder reminds me of my grandmother. whenever it would come on the radio, she would call me, and put the phone up to the radio so i could hear it. it's one of my favorite memories of her.
- the albums, "freak show" by silverchair, "smash" by offspring, "dookie" by green day, "sixteen stone" by bush, "the blue album" and "pinkerton" by weezer, and "mtv unplugged" by nirvana bring be back to middle school. those were the first cds i owned and i listened to them constantly.
- "august and everything after" by the counting crows reminds me of high school. i loved the lyrics on that cd - i still do, it's one of my favorite cds of all time.
- anything by ani difranco reminds me of a friend from high school. we were both into music. i forget which one of us found ani first, but we listened to her a lot when we were driving around town together.
- the album "no need to argue" from the cranberries reminds me of high school. i think i listened to this cd when my first boyfried broke up with me. it's a good cd to listen to when you need to let out some tears.
- speaking of my first boyfriend, he was obsessed with led zeppelin, so "stairway to heaven" reminds me of him.
- anything by bob marley reminds me of my second boyfriend in high school. he listened to bob marley all the time. when i broke up with him, he emailed me an mp3 to "redemption song," which i guess was his way of trying to get back with me.
- the song "talk show host" by radiohead reminds me of high school. i would sing along to this song in my room and i thought i was such a rebel because i would sing along to the part of the song that had a swear in it.
- "paper bag" by fiona apple reminds me of my sister when i was a senior in high school. i drove her to school in the morning and there was a time when we would blare this song on the radio and sing it outloud every morning on our way to school.
- the albums "bang bang" by dispatch, "parachute" and "goldfly" from guster and "white ladder" by david gray remind me of senior year in high school/freshman year in college. i listened to these endlessly and saw guster and dispatch play live a number of times.
- so many songs by ben harper are significant to me. in college, i dated a guy who was obsessed with ben harper as much as i am and we were both so excited. he wanted "not fire, not ice" to be played at his wedding. i wanted "beloved one" to be played at mine. the album, "diamonds on the inside" came out when we were together and we bonded over the song "amen omen."
- a lot of songs by the doors remind me of a guy i dated in college. "touch me" reminds me of him most - that was "our" song..
- "get busy" by sean paul reminds me of a brazilian kid who made pizza at the restaurant i waitressed at in college. one day this song was on the radio and he was singing along to the part of the chorus that says "sexy lady." i laughed because i would always try talking to him, but he never understood me because he barely spoke english, yet he knew those words.
i could go on for pages writing about songs that remind me of people and moments in my life..maybe more another time.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
top 10 don'ts to dating
so i don't know what the deal is, but the past few guys i've dated haven't known the basics of dating. i thought as i got older, guys i date would be better at knowing what to do and not to do on a date, but that hasn't held true lately. so, i put together a top-ten list for the guys out there to remind them what not to do when you first start dating a girl:
10. don't ask the girl to guess how old you are. it's annoying.
9. don't check you blackberry. it's not a good sign for a possible future relationship if you can't even stay away from work the first night you are out with the girl.
8. don't talk about yourself the whole time. girls like to talk - ask questions.
7. don't ask the girl to turn around so you can check her out. we know you're going to do it, at least try to be subtle about it and wait until she turns around to walk to the bathroom or something.
6. don't repeatedly say suggestive things, wait for the girl's reaction, and then when she doesn't know how to react, say that you keep forgetting she doesn't know your dry sense of humor yet.
5. don't talk about money. most girls don't need to hear that you own a house or a mercedes to be impressed with you.
4. don't talk about money and then complain about how much you have to tip the waiter or cab driver. and don't pay for dinner, but then say that you're expensing the bill and your company is going to pay for it. that's just tacky.
3. don't ask if you could go home with the girl repeatedly throughout the date. if she wants to, she will and if you keep asking her after every glass of wine she drinks, you're just a jerk.
2. don't talk about past relationships! i thought everyone knew this, but based on my last date, they don't. and don't admit that you're on and off with a girl who is hot, but dumb as rocks who stays at your house sometimes when you're not there. and definately don't talk about that 15 minutes into the first date!
1. don't make plans through text messages or emails. this is my biggest pet peeve lately. it's fine to text message and email to show you're thinking about the girl, but pick up the phone and call when you want to ask her out and make plans.
10. don't ask the girl to guess how old you are. it's annoying.
9. don't check you blackberry. it's not a good sign for a possible future relationship if you can't even stay away from work the first night you are out with the girl.
8. don't talk about yourself the whole time. girls like to talk - ask questions.
7. don't ask the girl to turn around so you can check her out. we know you're going to do it, at least try to be subtle about it and wait until she turns around to walk to the bathroom or something.
6. don't repeatedly say suggestive things, wait for the girl's reaction, and then when she doesn't know how to react, say that you keep forgetting she doesn't know your dry sense of humor yet.
5. don't talk about money. most girls don't need to hear that you own a house or a mercedes to be impressed with you.
4. don't talk about money and then complain about how much you have to tip the waiter or cab driver. and don't pay for dinner, but then say that you're expensing the bill and your company is going to pay for it. that's just tacky.
3. don't ask if you could go home with the girl repeatedly throughout the date. if she wants to, she will and if you keep asking her after every glass of wine she drinks, you're just a jerk.
2. don't talk about past relationships! i thought everyone knew this, but based on my last date, they don't. and don't admit that you're on and off with a girl who is hot, but dumb as rocks who stays at your house sometimes when you're not there. and definately don't talk about that 15 minutes into the first date!
1. don't make plans through text messages or emails. this is my biggest pet peeve lately. it's fine to text message and email to show you're thinking about the girl, but pick up the phone and call when you want to ask her out and make plans.
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