blasts from the past round 2 (what the heck is up with this?)

seriously. i am moving out of new york at the end of this month. in my 3 years here, i have dated a good amount of guys. out of all the guys i've dated, i would say 3 of them stand out as being the most significant - meaning it would be weird for me to run into them again after our "break-ups." well, a few weeks ago (read the second post down) i ran into one of those guys and had a mini-heart attack. well, tonight i went through the same thing! i had another mini-heart attack after running into another guy i dated 8 months ago. the difference was this time i was around my friends and had them to distract me when my mind went blank and my hands started shaking. and i had already drank a beer, which calmed me down a little.

i got an email today saying today is my friend/old co-worker's bday and people were getting together at a bar for happy hour. i totally thought it was a work thing and the happy hour was going to be with people i used to work with. i haven't seen them forever, so it sounded like a good time. so i went to the bar and sure enough, my old co-workers were there. but then the bday guy introduced us to a friend of his i had never met. and then he introduced us to another friend. and then it dawned on me, that ex #whoknowswhat might show up at the bar!

i met the ex through the bday guy. we would all hang out, at bars always, and drink. and i'd end up going to the ex's apartment for the night. we did that sporadically for maybe 4 months, then i stopped hanging out with our mutual friend and i didn't run into the ex again. until almost a year later when i was hanging out with our mutual friend and he told me the ex was at a bar a couple blocks down watching a cover band of his favorite group. i was a little tipsy, so i decided to text the ex totally randomly saying his favorite group rocks. he texted me back the next day and soon enough, we were dating. we went to dinner, for drinks, etc. and i'd stay over his apartment, he'd stay over mine. i liked him, he's a nice guy and he's cute. he's just quiet, really quiet. i kept going out with him, hoping he'd open up, but it was taking too long and i got bored. but, for some reason i kept going out with him, and kept hooking up with him, until the time we went out and he stayed over and we totally hooked up..if you know what i mean. the next morning, i realized i didn't want to keep going out with him. he wasn't exciting me. he called a few days after that night and i didn't call back. that was it. the end of it. i know, i'm awful. our mutual friend asked why i didn't call him back. i said we just weren't clicking and he was too quiet. he totally understood and was surprised we went out for as long as we did (which was only like 2 months).

so, occasionally i would walk around the ex's neighborhood and my heart would almost drop thinking i saw him on the street, but i was always relieved to realize it wasn't him. until tonight. i was sitting at the bar talking to my friend about what to wear this weekend for her bday party, when i saw him walk into the bar. i had a mini-heart attack. my mind went blank. i wanted to run out of the bar. my hands were shaking. i was glad i had a drink in my hand and i quickly brought it back up to my mouth and drank. i told my friends that he just walked in and that i was freaking out. i told them to keep talking to me, even though i could not concentrate on what they were saying at all. i was freaking out. but i'm an adult, i couldn't just ignore him. i calmed down a little, and when he walked by i stopped him and said hi. surprisingly, it went well. he didn't seem mad at me. he was actually really nice. i told him i'm moving out of new york and we talked about that for a bit. i asked him how his job search is going. we talked for a good amount of time - maybe a solid 15 minutes. for someone who doesn't talk much, he kept the conversation going. i was relieved.

i felt bad for blowing him off so bad. he's a nice guy. i wanted to say something, apologize, but i didn't know how. i didn't really want to go back and rehash the past. i told my friends i wanted to say something to him, but they said not to. to just let it go. so i did. when i left, i said bye to the bday guy and then said bye to the ex. we talked a little, it was kind of awkward. i didn't know what to say, so i told him to let me know if he ever comes up to boston. and i said bye.

i really can't believe that out of the 3 guys i didn't really want to run into again, i have run into 2 of them in the past couple weeks, in the last month that i am living in the city. there is 1 more guy who would be weird to run into, but i wouldn't have a heart attack. i would enjoy that. he made out with his ex-girlfriend in front of me and i bitched him out. i'd actually appreciate seeing him and reminding him what he missed out on. anyway..tonight was yet another crazy night in new york city!